anaheim-gazette 1905-06-01

In Vanity Fair. A Woman wishing to purchase Happiness at any price was directed to a booth in Vanity Fair. "I wish," she said, "to buy a Woman's Friendship." "Madam," said the Clerk in attendance, "such commodities are not for sale. I am told, however, that they are awarded to deserving applicants at a house on Good Fellow Street. There are two women passing yonder with a Friendship between them." "I have neither time nor strength to go so far," said the Woman wearily. "I shall have to buy Love instead." "That is not for sale here either, but you will find many Occasions when it is given away unasked." "Why do you continue searching among your wares?" "I find I have been mistaken. Here, after all, is something labeled Love." "Ah, but I see quite well that this is not the genuine article." "Madam," whispered the Shopman, not to be overheard, "we have no genuine articles. All our wares are imitation."—New York Times. A Story of Joe Manley. Chief Justice Fuller of the United States supreme court was on a visit to Maine some years ago and while there was entertained by Joe Manley. Mr. Manley was held in great reverence by his fellow citizens all over Maine and especially in Augusta, his home. He took Mr. Fuller for a drive about the place, but was forced by a pressing business engagement to leave his guest before the drive was finished. When Mr. Manley had disappeared the driver turned to the judge, whom he did not know, and drawing out a cigar, said: "I suppose you don't mind if I smoke. When we are driving Mr. Manley we never light up, because he's rather a distinguished citizen." Fuller repressed a laugh and told the driver to go ahead, which he did. Later the chief justice retailed the joke to Mr. Manley, who at the first opportunity told the driver a few things, winding up. "Why, before they were married used to tell me that he was my god." "She told me that, too," recited Mrs. Van Nobb, "but he turned be a regular Bacchus."—Pittsburgh Unavoidable. "Old Bankes has started hisacy in business." "Was he forced to?" "Yes. He couldn't induce a to engage him."—Cassell's. Reading a Telegram. There are two members of the fraternity, both ardent horse riders whose early education was sadly lected, and neither can read conceal to the best of their ability shortcomings in this regard. They received a telegram the day, but he could not read it not wish to expose his ignorance met the second horseman, and was looking anything but please was accosted with: "What's the matter? You lost trouble." "Trouble? Sure. Just read and he thrust the telegram in friend's hands. "Well, I should say it was true was the unexpected reply. 'I'm for you, old fellow.' And the gram was handed back, neither any wiser as to its contents. At this juncture a stable boy whistling along, and the recipient message hailed him with a j remark and after quizzing him said: "I'll bet you can't read, son." "Huh, that's where you're waiting I kin read as good as you kin." "Well, let's hear you read that you can it's a two bit piece for you. The harmless telegram was read now both of the men are wrong what the other meant by saying message denoted trouble."—San Francisco Chronicle. The Duty of a Gentleman. before the drive was finished. When Mr. Manley had disappeared the driver turned to the judge, whom he did not know, and, drawing out a cigar, said: "I suppose you don't mind if I smoke. When we are driving Mr. Manley we never light up, because he's rather a distinguished citizen." Fuller repressed a laugh and told the driver to go ahead, which he did. Later the chief justice retailed the joke to Mr. Manley, who at the first opportunity told the driver a few things, winding up, "You miserable three ply idiot, that was the chief justice of the United States." A Polite Discharge. "It is possible," said a New York man, "to be polite always. It is possible to be polite even when discharging a drunken coachman. I know that this is so, for I have seen the thing done. "A friend of mine found himself obliged to get rid of his coachman for drunkenness. He summoned the man into his presence and discharged him with this polite speech: "'I fear, Montgomery, that we must part. It has been impossible for me to avoid noticing that several times during the past month you have been—er—sober. Now, I don't believe that any man can attend properly to drinking if he has driving to do, and, therefore, at the month's end you will be free to devote yourself exclusively to your chosen occupation.'" Cutting Jewels Under Water. "The precious stone workers of Germany are among the most interesting persons I have ever seen when engaged in cutting their jewels," said a well known traveler. "The principal industry is at Freiburg, on the edge of the Black forest, in which the precious stones are found. The principal jewels are amethyst, lapis lazuli and malachite. The process of cutting them is the interesting part of the work. All of them are cut under water. The jewel cutters lie flat upon their stomachs while at work, with their hands under water, holding the stone which is being prepared, and the motion of the wheel does the cutting. The action of the water makes the process more rapid and at the same time leaves a better surface than if cut in the air." Bears That Fish For Salmon. Alaska's brown bears near the Bering sea live largely on salmon and are extraordinary fishers. Before beginning to fish they always place themselves on the downward side of the river. "I'll bet you can't read, son." "Huh, that's where you're waiting. I kin read as good as you kin." "Well, let's hear you read that you can it's a two bit piece for you." The harmless telegram was read now both of the men are wrong what the other meant by saying message denoted trouble.—San cisco Chronicle. The Duty of a Gentleman. On another occasion, having ridden from playing poker at the club grandfather said: "When a man is hard up he borrow, but he must devote his gifts to paying back and remaining equal of the man from whom he borrowed. If he cannot pay back him be frank about it, for it is bad to steal than to cheat." And again: "To ride straight and to straight, to win money cheerfully to lose it cheerfully, never to be dishishly in debt or swinishly drunk, joy flowers and music, and if posed to be in love with at least one woman, is half the duty of a gentleman." "What's the other half, grandfather I had asked him." "Why, to be a gentleman, of course—Gouverneur Morris in Reader Magazine." A Quotation Traced. Who wrote the words "a prosperous fire?" They are quoted by Worth in his "Evening Walk," and fessor Knight and his helpers had unable to trace it. But Nowell S communicates to the Athenaeum discovery that it comes from a CONTINUE Those who are gaining flesh and strength by regular treatment with Scott's Emulsion should continue the treatment in hot weather; smaller doses and a little cool milk with it will do away with any objection which is attached to fatty products during the heated season. Send for free sample, SCOTT & BOWNE, Chemists, 409-415 Pearl Street, New York soc. and $1.oo; all druggists. Bears That Fish For Salmon. Alaska's brown bears near the Bering sea live largely on salmon and are extraordinary fishers. Before beginning to fish they always place themselves on the downward side of the river. "They seem to smell the salmon by some extraordinary means," says a hunter, "and then begin dashing in and out of the river at some shallow place, rarely failing to catch a fish. They bring it out on the bank and devour it, if possible selecting some thick patches of bushes and grass in which to make their meal, which does not take them long." True Greatness. True greatness first of all is a thing of the heart. It is all alive with robust and generous sympathies. It is neither behind its age nor too far before it. It is up with its age and ahead of it only just so far as to be able to lead its march. It cannot slumber, for activity is a necessity of its existence. It is no reservoir, but a fountain.—Roswell D. Hitchcock. The Way of Man. When a man and his wife start to go anywhere, says a Missouri paper, he tells her to get out his good suit, fix the buttons in his shirt, get his cuffs, good shoes, tie his necktie, brush his hat, perfume his handkerchief and a few other little jobs. Then he puts on his hat and says: "Great Scott! Aln't you ready yet?"—Kansas City Journal. He Was. "Disappointed in her husband?" exclaimed Mrs. De Style in surprise. before they were married she told me that he was a Greek man that, too," responded Wobb, "but he turned out to be Bacchus."—Pittsburg Post. Unavoidable. Moses has started his son Perliss." forced to?" He couldn't induce anybody from."—Cassell's. Reading a Telegram. Two members of the racing both ardent horse owners, education was sadly neglected neither can read. Both the best of their ability their lives in this regard. One of them used a telegram the other could not read it and did expose his ignorance. He found horseman, and as he anything but pleasant he with: The matter? You look like Sure. Just read that." Just the telegram into his eyes. Could say it was trouble!" Expected reply. "I'm sorry I fell." And the tele-landed back, neither being into its contents. Structure a stable boy came along, and the recipient of mailed him with a jocular after quizzing him awhile Can't read, son." Is where you're way off! Good as you kin." He hear you read that. If two bit piece for you." His telegram was read, and the men are wondering what meant by saying theoted trouble.—San Francisco. City of a Gentleman. forgotten poem, "Sunday Thoughts," by Moses Browne. Moses Browne's phrase lives like a fossil in Wordsworth's poem. Browne died in 1787 and was not unknown to Dr. Johnson, at whose suggestion he brought out an annotated edition of the "Compleat Angler." His "Sunday Thoughts" was reprinted as late as 1806. He held the living of Olney for a short time during Cowper's residence there and had John Newton for his curate.—London Globe. Provident Animals. All birds of the crow tribe, rooks especially, exhibit a tendency toward winter—like squirrels and some other animals—to lay up a store of provisions for their sustenance against a season of scarcity. While jackdaws select holes of trees and old buildings to store away such provisions, rooks convey them away to their rookeries. There in last season's nests they deposit them. Toward springtime, when they begin thinking about setting their houses in order, they visit their rookeries and when rebuilding their nests throw out the unused store. Thus it is we often find an accumulation of acorns, potatoes and what not on the ground under their nests.—Nature Notes. An Ancient Tunnel. Tunnels are no new things in history. The only known inscription in early Hebrew records that the conduit which conveys water from a spring to the pool of Siloam, on the west side of Jerusalem, was, like the Simplon tunnel, cut from both ends of the intervening ridge. But the Hebrew workers miscalculated, and while there should have been still three cubits (about five feet) to excavate they heard the voices of the workers in the other tunnel, as there was a deviation of the lines, which should have joined. A Variation With a Big Difference. "Yes, he used to be in the newspaper business, but he's studying for the ministry now. He says he decided that he A Variation With a Big Difference. “Yes, he used to be in the newspaper business, but he's studying for the ministry now. He says he decided that he couldn't be a reporter and save his soul.” “Indeed? I believe his old city editor put it differently. He says he couldn’t be a reporter to save his soul.”—Exchange. Improving the Mountains. The cockney who said he valued Switzerland for its mountain hair has a supporter in a writer in the Irish Independent, who remarks, “There are many mountains in the country now bare and desolate whose brows if whiskered with forests would present a striking appearance.”—London Punch. Tennyson once attended a dinner where G. L. Craik proposed “The Ladies.” In doing so he recalled the cynical advice given by a brother Scot to his children: “Tak my advice and dinna marry for siller. You can borrow cheaper.” Some time later Tennyson at his own table repeated Mr. Craik’s story, but expressed the idea without attempting dialect. His son Hallam remarked, “Surely, father, Craik did not use those words.” “No, he did not. But, then, Craik is a Scotchman, and I am afraid to venture on repeating him exactly. However, it's almost as good in English as in Scotch, and it's tremendously true in both.” To Remove a Tight Ring. If you happen to get a ring on your finger that fits so tight you cannot remove it a very easy way to get it off is as follows: Take a piece of cord or wrapping thread and push one end of it under the ring. Then, beginning just above the ring, wind the cord very tightly round and round the finger clear up to the tip of the finger. Now take hold of the end of the cord that was slipped under the ring and unwind the cord. As the string unwinds the ring will be carried along with it and removed without any difficulty. A Bootless Attempt. “Ma,” said Tommy Twaddles, looking up from his reading of “Terry the Tenspot,” “what is a bootless attentive?” A Bootless Attempt. "Ma," said Tommy Twaddles, looking up from his reading of "Terry the Tenspot," "what is a bootless attempt?" "It's the sort your father makes to get in without my hearing him when he comes home late from the club," answered Ma Twaddles inclusively. Pa doesn't stop to remove 'em at the foot of the stairs now. He knows it's no use.—Cleveland Leader. Generous. "Is your husband a very generous man?" "Indeed he is. You remember those nice cigars I gave him for a birthday present? Well, he only smoked one and gave the rest to his friends."—Pick-Me-Up. A Long One. "Mamma, is this the ship we're going over in?" "Yes, Willie." "Huh! You said it was an ocean greyhound. This ain't a greyhound. It's a dachshund."—Chicago Tribune. New Field For Dictionaries. Mrs. Ella Mentary writes to a department store for a dictionary of convenient size and scope to be used in bed. Her husband has recently taken to the use of long words in his sleep talk.—Lippincott's Magazine. A Remonstrance. Mrs. Bickers—The Newlyweds seem very happy—if it will last. Bickers—Oh, I wouldn't borrow trouble—even for other folk!—New York Press. PIANOS Any piano in our stock of over 200 instruments and from the world's most famous makers may be bought from us now on the following payments $600 1st Payment $600 per Month NO Interest Think of it Krell, Decker, Regent, Sohmer, Chickering Bros., Steger & Son, Fitzjerald, Sherwood, Standard and a score of other makes. We also offer on the same terms a lot of used pianos which we have taken in exchange on new Regents, Deckers, Chickering Bros., and Krells. Prices from $95 to $200. We pay the freight to Anaheim MITZGERALD Music and Piano Co. 113 South Spring St. BEER ON TAP Telephone Main 55 THE PEERLESS A. FUHRBERG, Proprietor Fine Wines, Liquors and Cigars Ambitious Young People are of an independent and money-earning turn of mind you interested in the following: Year's training in the Woodbury Business College costs $100; months, $55. The education thus acquired will enable you to from $50 to $100 a month. Taking an average of $60 a month, a year, in three years you will be $2,160 ahead of your comwho has spent his four years in high school. Woodbury gives two main courses of study: ing and Business Course. 2 Shorthand and Typewriting Course course will fit you for a good position. The two will fit you better one. It takes about six months to complete one course nine months to a year to complete both. School has unequalled prestige and success in placing graduates all be pleased to have you call at the college to see us. It is business to help young people to be successful. Illustrated cat-on request. WOODBURY Business College All St., Los Angeles E. K. ISAACS, Pres. Through Cars East The Rock Island System operates through sleeping cars from California to the East over two interesting routes. Standard and Tourist Pullmans of the newest type—whether you ride first or second class you may know you have the best of the kind. Travel as Your Letter Goes Don’t forget that the Rock Island carries transcontinental mails and maintains the fastest tourist schedule to Kansas City, St. Louis and Chicago. Of course you want the quickest and the best. Berths, tickets and full information at Southern Pacific Ticket Offices, or by addressing me. land’s Southern route to the East, via El Paso, is the line of easiest grades.