oc-plain-dealer 1923-08-13

EDITORIAL AND FEATURES An Independent Newspaper Issued Every Afternoon Except Sunday Paul V. Hester Editor and Publisher Daily Greetings to Our Readers We are always complaining our days are few, and acting as though there would be no end of them.—Joseph Addison. Commerce on Pacific Destined to Grow The Panama Canal is having tremendous influence upon the trade of the world, particularly of the Pacific West of the United States. The Oriental trade which passes through the Panama waterway is of enormous volume. The Panama Canal puts the Orient nearly as close to Europe, geographically, as the eastern route via the Suez Canal. A vast amount of traffic has been diverted from the Suez route to the Panama route. This increase of European trade by the Panama Canal continues steadily. California, Oregon and Washington, it is pointed out by a shipping expert, are in especially favorable situation for Oriental trade. These states are less than 5000 miles from Yokohama. Europe is twice that far by the shortest route available. Hence the conditions favor this Pacific West greatly in the matter of cheaper tolls and lesser shipping expenses. Mr. Coolidge May Make His Own Future Calvin Coolidge, by a tragic dispensation of Fate which the country yet mourns, suddenly is called to the greatest opportunity that falls to the lot of any man in this nation. He comes to the Presidency practically untried in handling of national affairs. A man of silence, his attitude on many great issues is not defined. His methods in the Presidency have yet to be developed. As the last rites for the lamented President Harding are over, it is proper to turn to the activities as they affect the living. President Coolidge is beginning his career in the White House. The nation and the world are watching. He has the best wishes of all. His countrymen have faith in him. He is a conscientious, cautious man. He will weigh his words and his Presidents Come From the People To study the lineage of Presidents of the United States is of absorbing interest and is inspiring to every loyal American. They have been thoroughly representative men. They have been democratic. Several of them came from the most humble beginnings. In their origin they gave, in early life, no promise of the greatness that came to them in their mature years. Poor farmer lads; one a poor untutored tailor; several of them thrown upon their own resources, in early life, to make a livelihood; one a rail splitter and store clerk; one a farmer, and tanner—so the record runs. Nowhere in the wide, wide world are the opportunities for personal advancement in a democratic country so pronounced as in the United States. Biographies of the Presidents should be in the hands of every school boy in the land. These life stories are inspiration to ambitious lads. More of patriotism and less of extreme partisanship is needed in governing this country Plans to Relieve the President Ways and means of relieving the President from the tremendous strain of his great office by shifting from his shoulders some of the onerous routine, are beng advanced, since the death of President Harding. Senator Edge of New Jersey, warm personal friend of Mr. Harding, proposes a plan which, if adopted, should give considerable relief to the President. Senator Edge would place the administering of the budget system into the hands of the Vice-President, imposing upon that official the burdens of supervising the preparation of the budget. Not until ready for final review would the budget be submitted to the President. Disputes and clashing claims of the various departments cause the President no end of worry. Under Senator Edge's plan, the Vice-President would assume this care and responsibility. Furthermore, in handling this duty, the Vice-President would become familiar with details of workings of the different executive departments and would be better fitted, should he be called—as Mr. Coolidge has—to assume the Presidency. Discussion of plans to give aid to the President should not end in idle talk. Something constructive should be done at the next session of Congress. August Excursions Back East round trip fares daily until September 15. Stop-over privilege in each direction. Go one way, come back another if you wish. —Through fast service every day to Chicago, Kansas City, St. Louis, St. Paul, Minneapolis, New Orleans, with direct connection for New York and other Eastern cities. —Round trip excursions every day to Pacific Coast resorts at notable reductions. Go somewhere this summer via Southern Pacific Lines D. G. Maltby, Agent, Telephone 123 VACATION SPASMS—NO. 6 WHAT THE WILD WAVES ARE SAYING! Hot Dog Beach OH-BOY! DINNER STORIES Sam was a colored gentleman very popular with the ladies, according to Judge. One night, Mr. Randy, his wife, was going thru his pockets and found a card inscribed: "Louise No. 27." On inquiring from her spouse its meaning, she was informed it was the name and number of a race horse. A few days later Sam was wakened from sleep by the stern tones of his wife saying: "Nigger, your hoss wants you on the telephone." Little had bought a new car of which he was very proud. Directly he knew how to start it up, he went down the main road to show off his new possession. Having pursued his erratic course for about 200 yards he was pulled up by the policeman on point duty, says the Buffalo Express. "You nearly ran over those two people," said the official. "Sorry, officer! You see, I've only just got this car, and—" "What's your name?" broke in the policeman. "Little", was the answer. "Ah, A little learning is a dangerous thing!" chuckled the cultured cop, tickled at his joke he let the transgressor go free. The Kansas City Star insists that this really happened. "How are you coming along a sparking of Miss Ducky Dodd?" inquired a swain of the Fiddle Creek region. "Finer than frog hair!" was written. POEMS THAT LIVE IN MEMORIAM Warren G. Harding 1865-1923 With love divine All Wisdom's hand Hath led the Chieftain of our land Away from care and pointed sword To mercy's home and his reward. The nation's heart in sadness broke With pray'r the Heavens doth coke; He might have mailed, yet tried his best. Dear Lord, grant him eternal rest. Rev. Francis C. Young, Chicago's Poet Priest. ABE MARTIN CHICKEN DINNERS PARAGRAPHS By ROBERT QUILLEN England's German policy in brief: Don't cuss a customer. The allinony some wives demand in lieu of their husbands' society is rank flattery. It is still a hick town if it feels puffed up with pride when it gets a few conventions. There is nothing easy about the prize-fighting business however, except the spectators. The happiest people are those that never stop to wonder whether they are having a good time. Another thing the world needs is less use of monkey glands and more general use of sweat glands. The prediction that more fox furs will be worn next winter indicates an unusually large crop of Australian rabbits. Still, if there were no Reds, how would European nations scare one another into being reasonable. At least the present price of wheat will tend to relieve the labor shortage in industrial centers. Our guess is that this talk of corsets for men is prompted by wets in a last desperate effort to get tight. "What's your name?" broke in the policeman. "Little", was the answer. "Ah, A little learning is a dangerous thing!" chuckled the cultured cop, tickled at his joke he let the transgressor go free. The Kansas City Star insists that this really happened. "How are you coming along as sparking of Miss Ducky Dodd?" inquired a swain of the Fiddle Creek region. "Finer than frog hair!" was the triumphant answer. I didn't do any particler good with the girl till her ma flung a dipper of water on me. That helped me some and when her paw kicked me off'n the porch and took a shot or two at me as I defunct out of there, that settled it. "I'm plumb solid with Ducky now." It happened on Friday. The telephone rang during the noon hour. A man asked for Dr. Carl H. Eigenmann, a scientist, at Indiana University. He was told that the doctor was at dinner. "But this is very important." Dr. Eigenmann then answered the phone, and the other voice, after explaining that he was a freshman in the university, asked was the plural of fishes, fishes or fish. Dr. Eigenmann said if one was speaking of specimens it was fishes. The student then said; Then I was right. I told the waiter to 'pass up the fishes please' and everyone laughed. Thank you so much."—Indianapolis News. An old man approached the ticket wagon on the circus ground and asked for three seats for the afternoon performance, says the Nation's Business. "Sorry but we're sold out," the ticket seller told him. "You mean to say that you haven't even three seats you can sell me?" "That's about the situation." "We well," opined the old man with acerbity, "I call that derned poor management!" A Swedish glassblower has jest been elected t' th United States senate, but it's still shy on Swiss bell ringers. Th' fire department wuz called t' th home o' Gran'maw Pash t'day t reach some cherries. -HERE AND THERE- A five-year-old who had fallen and cut his ilp so that it was necessary for the doctor to stitch the wound, after bearing the pain bravely, turned to his mother, who was making much ado over the operation, and said: "Never mind mama, my moustache will cover it."—Pearson's Weekly (London). Speaking of vanity, the story is told by the Boston Transcript of a politician who the day before he was to make a certain speech sent a forty-one page report of it to all the papers. On page 29 appeared this paragraph: "But the hour grows late and I must close. (Cries of 'No not go on, go on.')" We shall never believe patriotism wholly altruistic until we see a government financed by means of the collection plate. Correct this sentence: "Oh, do look quickly, John," cried the wife, "and see what a beautiful ankle that woman has." Cheap wheat should make the money situation easier. The speculators won't need so much to finance their little game. The road hog is the one who kicks dust in your face after you have passed seventeen others and kicked dust in their faces. There appears to be a summer resort ruling that a wife must wear an extra diamond for each surplus fifty pounds of weight. One of the saddest sights in the world is an ardent Prohibitionist deprived of the kick afforded by his morning cup of coffee. MONDAY, AUGUST THIRTEENTH, 1923. Subscription Rate—In No. Orange co. Per Yr. $3; 6 Months, $1.75 Entered at the Postoffice at Anaheim, Calif., as 2nd class matter COMMENTS OF THE PRESS EDITORS ARE SAYING AFTER BREECHES—WHAT?—Berkeley Gazette The men who were in the army are wearing out their service breeches as they mow their lawns. The boys just home from colleges are in knickers whenever they can devise excuse. Automobile tourists, like golfers, show the same tendency to the abandonment of the illogical and not particularly sightly nether garment which fashion has dictated for a century and a third. There is, indeed, reason to believe that a momentous change in the matter of masculine attire is impending. The balance, ever a delicate one, swings easily at times, and it only waits an added impulse. Medieval man wore long hose and doublet, a combination by no means suited to the very slender or the very stout, and he delighted in bright colors. The costume seemed of the essence of romance. But when Henry Anjou, newly elected King of Poland, heard of the death of his brother, King Charles of France, he broke all long distance records for horseback riding and reached Paris and the throne grievously saddle-galled. The bandages on his thighs made trunk hose unsightly. He would not hold his first court in them, so an ingenious tailor fashioned the first pair of knickerbockers—and Europe followed suit for 200 years. No doubt we would wear them now if the Regent George of England, afterwards George IV, had not been knockkneed. He was sensitive about it, and his tailor made history by means of long trousers. There is no telling what will come next but all the signs indicate that men are wavering—and the prospect is not an unattractive one. ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT ROY MOULTON VERSE FROM A HOSPITAL I fooled them all— They sent me fine flowers; I heard angels call, But I fooled them all. I'll soon whang the ball And golf 'way my hours. I footed them all— They sent me fine flowers. English visitor declared that "New York has grown up." He should have said "is growing up." Dear Roy—You told us a correspondent asked you what he can do without breaking a law. You recited the following seven things. Very well, you can: Chew gum if you don't park it in the telephone money-return slot; VERSE FROM A HOSPITAL I fooled them all— I’ll soon whang the ball They sent me fine flowers; And golf ‘way my hours. I heard angels call, I fooled them all— But I fooled them all. They sent me fine flowers. English visitor declared that “New York has grown up.” He should have said “is growing up.” Dear Roy—You told us a correspondent asked you what he can do without breaking a law. You recited the following seven things. Very well, you can: Chew gum if you don’t park it in the telephone money-return slot; Eat peanuts if you don’t feed them to the zoo’s permanent residents; Carry a cane if it does not surround a glass tube of contraband; Read the newspapers if you don’t litter the parks with them; Ride on street cars if you pay your fare; Lead dogs through the park if the dogs are muzzled. Write letters to the editor if you think they will get you in print. But Goldberg tells us “it don’t mean anything.” What is your next list? I may have some. AJAY. Nowadays when a fellow hasn’t anything else to do he invents a new vacuum cleaner and goes around to houses trying to sell it on the installment plan. A lot of people in this world get all het up by fanning themselves. What we need most are candidates. That proposed twelve-mile limit would be a terrible disappointment to some men who have just learned to swim three miles from shore. One man who got out a modern atlas went broke. He had to change the European and Asiatic parts of it every month. SPECIAL SALE ON ALL CAMPING SUPPLIES, PORCH FURNITURE, BEACH UMBRELLAS, BEACH RESTS AND UMBRELLA TENT. W. J. Rumfelt Tent and Awning and Camp Supplies 217 N. Los Angeles Street Anaheim Just what I've Been Waiting for," said many a man when he saw our New Fall Stetson Hats P.H.M. Closkey CLOTHIER 'Clothes for Dad and Lad' 219 W. Center St. Anaheim