anaheim-gazette 1951-06-19

4 Anaheim Gazette TUESDAY, JUNE 19, 1951 ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA Published afternoons, Monday through Friday, at 250 East Center, Anaheim, California. Phone Anaheim 2208. Entered as second-class matter at the Anaheim, California, Postoffice on June 5, 1869, under the Act of March 3, 1879. The Gazette is a member of the Associated Press, the National Editorial Association, and California Newspaper Publishers Association. All rights herein are reserved. Subscriptions: $0 per month by carrier or $5 per year by carrier or mail. MEMBER OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS—The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to the use for republication of all the local news printed in this newspaper as well as all A.P. news dispatches. THEODORE B. KUCHEL Publisher MAX BESLER Assistant Publisher LEONARD KREIDT Assistant Editor NEIL STANLEY Advertising Manager Q. E. MELLEN Advertising Manager MARY ROULAND Advertising Manager RALPH ROULAND Classified Advertising Manager LUCY HUBBARD Circulation Manager Freddie got a job... To the editor: About a year ago I read an article in the Gazette (May 11, 1950) on how to find a job. I had been moving from one odd job to another for a couple of months and wanted to get married. So, I followed the article. Within a short time I got a response from a Santa Ana insurance agency. I got a job. Later they sent me to a company school, and then to a swell job in San Francisco. Recently I moved to a house since we are going to have a child. While packing, I came across this clipping from the Gazette. I can say it worked. Fred J. Lawrence, San Francisco. Editors note—Here is the art. field than faces most students. In looking for a job a good rule is to consult the classified telephone directory. List all the firms which would seem to offer you something somewhere within your schooling and training. Simply call on as many of these firms as you can. If it is a large firm ask for the personnel office, if it is a small place make inquiries as to where you should apply. Write to the ones you can't visit. You'll be rejected by many of them—certainly. But, by golly, make the most of it; just tabulate the tops and pit falls you came across in this useful EXPERIENCE. Think over carefully what happened. Improve on your approach and selling. WASHINGTON—Officatic leaders call gency off-the-record other day to decide Senator McCarthy's attack on Secretary Marshall. Minnesota's fiery Humphrey suggested out when McCarthy's speak. Pointing out started his rise to poling down the heroes man Republic, Humhed his disgust at tactics. "There are many stray people — some outright murder, through the process," declared Hummea character as misrepresentation out of context. most inhuman way. The Senator from suggested that the Deonly two alternative stand up and fight it is almost impossible. McCarthy controls the remove ourselves from of unsavory conduct." Humphrey said he mass walkout. However, Sen. Lynn of Texas favored seconservative Southterr to hit back at McCaone else who tried branded as a communiCarthy, Johnson obesuggested George of Recently I moved to a house since we are going to have a child. While packing, I came across this clipping from the Gazette. I can say it worked. Fred J. Lawrence, San Francisco. Editors note—Here is the article: Maybe it is because we are a new paper and the word has gotten around that we have been hiring a few folks—or maybe it is a general trend. Whatever it is, we have been privileged to have quite a group of young folks call on us inquiring about jobs. Of Anaheim youth we can say they do not lack brains, good looks, personality, or a willingness to work. And, they seem well schooled. But, what about the job prospects for Anaheim high grads, or this year's crop of college seniors? Of course, the prospects are not as bright as during the past 10 years. There simply isn't the volume of openings which awaited graduates in other years, particularly in the administrative or white collar jobs. Yet, there are job opportunities—plenty of them. The controlling fact is, however, THE COMPETITION FOR THESE JOBS IS LITTLE SHORT OF FIERCE. Recently a young man just about to graduate from high school came in to see us about a job. Although intelligent, he disclosed an understandable lack of information on things in the world outside his classrooms. His studies had brought him face to face with problems confined to text books where a certain amount of diligence would always yield the answer. He doesn't quite grasp it, but he now stands on the threshold of an entirely new situation. Business enterprise is well organized and extends into highly specialized fields. It is difficult for a student to understand where his future job opportunities might lie. And taxes and government controls affect his road to his job. These factors he must learn to You'll be rejected by many of them—certainly. But, by golly, make the most of it; just tabulate the tops and pit falls you came across in this useful EXPERIENCE. Think over carefully what happened. Improve on your approach and selling. You'll find some firms want a letter of application. Okay, go along with it," if for the EXPERIENCE only. Take the utmost pains in writing your letter. Carefully, not in a derogatory manner, admit your inexperience. But, show where you would be an asset to a firm because of the things you have done in and out of school. And stress your willingness and adaptability to fit into jobs allied to the type you primarily seek. A well-written letter is an art in itself—particularly your employment application. Remember that. Do it in a business-like way, present your facts clearly, follow the simple rules of grammar. What does that mean? Age, education, capability, experience, schooling, and the kind of work desired must be fully covered. If you possess any special ability or if you have directed your studies along some particular line, refer to it since it will strengthen the appeal. Use sufficient space. Give yourself the benefit of a little reasonable publicity. When you have practiced selling yourself through the medium of that letter you have picked up some valuable EXPERIENCE on which to build your campaign. But don't stop there. Next a reliable employment agency is a practical clearing house for placements where personal contacts with job seekers and a thorough discussion of one's attributes, adaptations and ambitions will fit him into a job classification—and perhaps registration which could result in a call for employment. Above all, remember that interview. You have picked up some information about business and employment. That is good EXPERIENCE. The classified columns of many newspapers offer opportunities. Help wanted advertisements. Humphrey said he mass walkout. However, Sen. Lynne of Texas favored se conservative Southterry to hit back at McCaul one else who tried branded as a commun Carthy, Johnson obey suggested George of Byrd of Virginia, sim lives in Virginia and the original motion Marshall's nomination. However, McMahon necticut warned that new Commercial B brought up from the day afternoon. Deputy sheriff Barb celved an invitation to Fourth of July oration Ana. Mr. G. Davis has ma ments to bore a deep residence on Lemon st Los Angeles has $140 to celebrate the Fourth Boots brought from bits at the auction Bare-footed boys will for a while. Louis Messmer and gone to Philadelphia M introduce Cucamonga w Centennial. 50 Years A Zanjero Brunworth bad boys who go swim main ditch east of town ing trouble. Some da discovered several o placed an obstruction i and were enjoying a b them one or two kids fr ton. Brunworth draws that sort of thing, and neither Anaheim nor boys to transgress the v company's rules. The boys off this time, but th fense will be followed Boys, don't swim in th He doesn't quite grasp it, but he now stands on the threshold of an entirely new situation. Business enterprise is well organized and extends into highly specialized fields. It is difficult for a student to understand where his future job opportunities might lie. And taxes and government controls affect his road to his job. These factors he must learn to recognize and analyze before he can decide on his work ahead. So it boils down to this crude fact: he must know his way around. Alas, EXPERIENCE gained day by day is the best way to learn it all. But, let's face it, he hasn't had an opportunity to follow that path. Somewhat in despair and bewilderment our high school senior asked what an ambitious kid can do to overcome the initial obstacles to beginning an employment record. Fortunately, that can be answered. The field of employment in the Anaheim area is large. It can cover Orange county and Los Angeles and its suburbs...a better In the Days of Long Ago 75 Years Ago A school festival was held at San Juan Capistrano on Friday. Dinner was served in the school house and the day was passed with dancing, singing and other amusements. Mr. J. E. Bacon made an address which was received with great applause. Fairview Grange Building association elected as their Board of Trustees, Messrs. Edward Evey, Jonathan Watson, D. W. C. Cowan, A. McGregor, B. F. E. Kellogg, Tim Boege, H. Werder. Dr. Harden is seeking information regarding a Meerschaum piece, the third which he has lost during the past 30 days. A portion of the safe for the discussion of one's attributes, adaptations and ambitions will fit him into a job classification—and perhaps registration which could result in a call for employment. Above all, remember that interview. You have picked up some information about business and employment. That is good EXPERIENCE. The classified columns of many newspapers offer opportunities. Help wanted advertisements are usually inserted by people too busy to go out and search for help. So, carefully write that letter of inquiry based on your previous experience at letter writing. When granted an interview with a prospective employer, the applicant must appear at his best and be courteous, confident and collected. All questions should be answered in a straightforward manner, with the impression that an opportunity rather than a position is sought. When finished, the employer should be thanked for the interview. In conclusion, all we can add is that if you go through the above we'll bet that you'll find yourself a smarter person in the labor market—and we hope you'll begin to see your path to good employment. John Hartung is co-organizing his home with a badly worn one or two kids from Brunworth draws that sort of thing, and neither Anaheim nor boys to transgress the wan pany's rules. The boys off this time, but the fense will be followed by Boys, don't swim in th 25 Years Ago Victor G. Loly was into the office of pre-programme Anaheim Lions clubation ceremonies held in connection with the luncheon meeting. Mr. Beeds Mr. L. R. Wilson dent of the club. Ross was installed to succeed in the office of secretary of the club and the rectors were named: H. O. E. Hanson and George Entertainment features finished by the American "Melody Makers" orchestra. The Ladler' Euchre club Thursday afternoon w W. J. Cole at her home serabble" west of to Nebeling won the first Mrs. Bennet the booby clous luncheon was serv John J. Dwyer will enter club at the July meeting WASHINGTON—Senate Democratic leaders called an emergency off-the-record huddle the other day to decide how to meet Senator McCarthy's 60,000-word attack on Secretary of Defense Marshall. Minnesota's fiery Sen. Hubert Humphrey suggested a mass walk-out when McCarthy got up to speak. Pointing out how Hitler started his rise to power by tearing down the heroes of the German Republic, Humphrey unorted his disgust at McCarthy's tactics. "There are many ways to destroy people — sometimes by outright murder, sometimes through the process of attrition," declared Humphrey. "I mean character assassination, misrepresentation and quoting out of context. This is the most inhuman way." The Senator from Minnesota suggested that the Democrats had only two alternatives — "Either stand up and fight back which is almost impossible to do when McCarthy controls the floor, or remove ourselves from the scene of unsavory conduct." Humphrey said he preferred a mass walkout. However, Sen. Lyndon Johnson of Texas favored sending in a conservative Southern Democrat to hit back at McCarthy. Anyone else who tried it would be branded as a communist by McCarthy, Johnson observed. He suggested George of Georgia or new Commercial Bank was brought up from the depot yesterday afternoon. Deputy sheriff Barham has received an invitation to deliver a Fourth of July oration at Santa Ana. Mr. G. Davis has made arrangements to bore a deep well at his residence on Lemon st. Los Angeles has $1400 on hand to celebrate the Fourth. Boots brought from two to four bits at the auction yesterday. Bare-footed boys will be scarce for a while. Louis Messmer and wife have gone to Philadelphia. Messmer will introduce Cucamonga wines at the Centennial. 50 Years Ago Zanjero Brunworth says that bad boys who go swimming in the main ditch east of town are breeding trouble. Some days ago he discovered several of them had placed an obstruction in the ditch and were enjoying a bath, among them one or two kids from Fullerton. Brunworth draws the line at that sort of thing, and will allow neither Anaheim nor Fullerton boys to transgress the water company’s rules. The boys were let off this time, but the next offense will be followed by arrest. Boys, don’t swim in the ditches. John Hartung is confined to “impossibility trying to debate with McCarthy, because you never can pin him to the facts of the issue.” He added that Marshall had stature enough to withstand the McCarthy blast and suggested that the McCarthyites had lost the MacArthur fight, and McCarthy’s attack on Marshall was “a deliberate attempt to gain the offensive again. The only way they can make the MacArthur position stand up is to undermine the character of the administration witnessess.” Washington Pipeline Gordon Gray, former Secretary of the Army, now president of the University of North Carolina, is being urged to come back to government . . . So also is Barry Bingham, publisher of the Louisville Courier Journal, who helped build up the Marshall Plan in Europe . . . The Justice Department can’t make up its mind whether to crack down on Joe Rosenbaum, who figured in the RFC scandals. Rosenbaum denied stating that he had RFC directors Dunham and Willett “in his pocket,” but the Justice Department has come up with conflicting evidence . . . Reason why the French government will send a representative to the reunion of the 49th Division at Chicago next week is because that division organized Free French and communist French troops in the Battle of Brittany and starved out the German-held ports of Brest and U et Nazaire . . . American scientists now have perfected a small, pocket-size radio set, which can be dropped behind the Iron Curtain. It can be manufactured for only about $5 and may revolutionize listening of the Voice of America . . . The first negro in history has been accepted for post-graduate study at the Naval Now that school is out, and our previous smooth-running home-making schedules have been shattered fourteen different ways, we may as well stand-back and view the situation with detachment. Will the summer be a long one marked with bickering, runny noses, confusion, endless work for you-know-who, punctuated with querulous “what’ll I do now?” or will it be a pleasant all too short vacation that will bolster the whole family for the winter’s work? Mothers, as usual, it depends mostly on us. Since the family, as well as the army, moves on its stomach, organization for summer vacation starts in the kitchen. Skimpy hit or miss meals followed by a procession of bread and jam, popsicles, pop, donuts and hot fudge sundaes is the surest way to “run down” children which when coupled with strenuous summer sports like ball games and swimming can leave them wide open to illnesses peculiar to summer, one of the worst of which is the dreaded polio. Another unpleasant offshoot of the above regime is a big dentist bill, come fall. WHAT’S FOR LUNCH The weather will be hot for sure, but we still have to eat. An adequate breakfast for an active child consists of an orange, half a grapefruit or citrus juice, fresh canned, or frozen; cereal, either spreading butter or the inside of each sack put the spread on Heat a dry frying hot and put the saffron pan. Brown it over, one side and turn it evenly browned on bake cheese will be melted. But sandwiches are answer to quick and lunches. Save vegetable water to dilute caffeine. When preparing case for dinner, make pleas will be some left for way’s pork liver is tenuious when slowly fed a few minutes, and one serving of glaucoma that growing bodies week. The youngsters e lunch to be eaten in t and this could consist cooked egg, peanut wich, carrot or celery fruit and cookies. Y Safeway or Alpha B well stocked with w oin bunch vegetables, s tender that they m right out of the hand, fresh fruits such as v cantaloupes, apricots cherries, plums and sweet and juicy Valentine Fruit jello and simi make grand desserts punch in that lunch k or milk may be added puddings are quick t placed an obstruction in the ditch and were enjoying a bath, among them one or two kids from Fullerton. Brunworth draws the line at that sort of thing, and will allow neither Anaheim nor Fullerton boys to transgress the water company’s rules. The boys were let off this time, but the next offense will be followed by arrest. Boys, don’t swim in the ditches. John Hartung is confined to his home with a badly inflamed eye, into which a small quantity of watered ammonia was dropped by mistake a few evenings ago, in place of an oculist’s solution which he had been using. Dr. Eddy was at once called to relieve the pain. John has been a patient sufferer for a week and expects to be out again before long. 25 Years Ago Victor G. Loly was initiated into the office of president of the Anaheim Lions club at installation ceremonies held last week in connection with the regular luncheon meeting. Mr. Loly succeeds Mr. L. R. Wilson as president of the club. Ross Phezley was installed to succeed himself in the office of secretary-treasurer of the club and the following directors were named: H. E. Eddy, O. E. Hanson and George Holden. Entertainment features were furnished by the American Legion, "Melody Makers" orchestra. The Ladler’ Euchire club met on Thursday afternoon with Mrs. W. J. Cole at her home “Hard-scrabble” west of town. Mrs. Nebeling won the first prize and Mrs. Bennet the booby. A delicious luncheon was served. Mrs. John J. Dwyer will entertain the club at the July meeting. MASK-MAKER—Journalist Bruno Morril finishes a paper mask of President Truman in his Rome apartment before adding it to his collection of famous personages. WHATS FOR LUNCH The weather will be hot for sure, but we still have to eat. An adequate breakfast for an active child consists of an orange, half a grapefruit or citrus juice, fresh canned, or frozen; cereal, either whole-grain or enriched and milk OR the fruit or juice with eggs, buttered toast and milk. Lunch seems to pose the biggest problem for many mothers. As a guide, let’s keep in mind that growing youngsters are especially in need of protein foods such as meat, eggs, fish, cheese and dairy products. Couple those with fruits in season and plenty of fresh vegetables, and you have built a lunch that is nourishing and wholesome. If sandwiches seem easiest, take advantage of Alpha Beta’s special on sliced bacon this week and look over Alpha Beta’s long counter chock full of cheeses. Vary the kinds of bread from time to time and let the kids make their own Dagwood from crisp lettuce, bacon, hard cheese or cheese spreads, sliced tomatoes, green pepper strips and so on. Safeway’s luncheon meat, skinless weivers and solid pack tuna fish offer more possibilities and the folks who took advantage of Safeway’s special on large grade A eggs last week are aware of the thriftiness and good eating of Safeway’s fresh eggs. GRILLED CHEESE Elaborate equipment is not needed for a grilled cheese sandwich. Make your cheese sandwiches as usual of cheese that readily melts, but instead of open to inspectors peculiar to summer, one of the worst of which is the dreaded polio. Another unpleasant offshoot of the above regime is a big dentist bill, come fall. COOKIE JAR As long as there are will always be a cook not keep it filled with that besides tasting good for them? Almost can be enriched with oil of wheat germ in place of the flour, molasses part of the sugar, and added for good measure the directions for a cially enjoyed by mem Anaheim Home Department. WESTERN RANGER 1 cup shortening 1 cup white sugar 1 cup brown sugar ½ teaspoonful salt 2 eggs 2 cups sifted flour 1 teaspoon soda ½ teaspoon baking p 2 cups Rice Crisp flakes 1 cup quick cooking 1 cup coconut or walnut pan, flatten slightly wula. Bake for 10 to 12 350 degrees. Add eggs, then flour and ing ingredients. The mite be quite stiff. Drop pike the size of a walnut on pan, flatten slightly wula. Bake for 10 to 12 350 degrees. -Colony QuipsBy the Gazette Farm Editor WE ARE BEING told that California has too much citrus fruit by the heads of our own industry who are paid fancy sums to "sell" it at a profit for us growers. Florida is just finishing up selling the largest citrus crop in her history with wonderful MONEY returns to her growers. The southern state has, in three years, stabilized her citrus industry from one of the lowest points in its history. It CAN be done. There is the proof right before your eyes in Florida Mutual and this organization is now far stronger than it ever was. It is accepted by shippers, canners and concentrators as well as by Florida growers, who now would not do without it. Florida growers have NOT taken any RED INK since Mutual came into the picture. Need we say More? With LESS than four million boxes to go the last of May here is what Marvin H. Walker, general manager of the Florida Citrus Canners Cooperative at Lake Wales, which includes a big concentrate plant said: it was his opinion concentrators would take EVERY ORANGE that would make the required standards. That means the grower will not get less for this type of "juice" fruit than $2.35 a loose box at the plant. WE IN CALIFORNIA are seeing RED INK for our second grade fresh fruit in some sizes the day this was written. How long are we growers going to stand for this sort of thing? If the big-shot "hired help" cannot get us growers a profit for the crop we are turning over to them this year then they had better give themselves up. An ideal crop in appearance, taste, quality soluble solids and a teeming multitude drawing high wages at the other end of the line. The consumer is buying frozen concentrate at a terrific rate—shame on California for not having the capacity to adequately handle this wonderful crop our valencia trees have produced. While Florida has it all over us in the marketing of their ENTIRE crop we still have some definite advantages over them. We are, and have been, at the mercy of an entrenched bureaucracy but if the individual grower does not owe the packing house money he can withdraw from membership at certain times during the year. That is why you hear the cry "we did better than they" in the fall of the year. Do you remember the large ads of the Exchange last fall in which attempt to show that they "did" better than other rallies? spreading butter or margarine on the inside of each slice of bread, put the spread on the outside. Heat a dry frying pan medium hot and put the sandwich in the pan. Brown it over low heat on one side and turn it over. When evenly browned on both sides, the cheese will be melted. But sandwiches are not the only answer to quick and nourishing lunches. Save vegetable cooking water to dilute canned soups. When preparing casserole dishes for dinner, make plenty so there will be some left for lunch. Safeway's pork liver is tender and delicious when slowly fried for just a few minutes, and supplies the one serving of glandular meat that growing bodies require per week. The youngsters enjoy a sack lunch to be eaten in the back yard and this could consist of a hard cooked egg, peanut butter sandwich, carrot or celery sticks, fresh fruit and cookies. Your favorite Safeway or Alpha Beta store is well stocked with wonderful buys in bunch vegetables, so young and tender that they may be eaten right out of the hand, and luscious fresh fruits such as watermelons, cantaloupes, apricots, berries, cherries, plums and of course, sweet and juicy Valencia oranges. Fruit jello and simple puddings make grand desserts that put punch in that lunch because fruit or milk may be added. Packaged puddings are quick to make, and able solids and a teeming multitude drawing high wages at the other end of the line. The consumer is buying frozen concentrate at a terrific rate—shame on California for not having the capacity to adequately handle this wonderful crop our valencia trees have produced. While Florida has it all over us in the marketing of their ENTIRE crop we still have some definite advantages over them. We are, and have been, at the mercy of an entrenched bureaucracy but if the individual grower does not owe the packing house money he can withdraw from membership at certain times during the year. That is why you hear the cry "we did better than they" in the fall of the year. Do you remember the large ads of the Exchange last fall in which they attempt to show that they "did" better than other selling organizations. What a pitiful exhibition it was—for the grower who should have received more money. Instead of money he was just "kidded" by this great propaganda barrage. ALMOST ANY GROWER, who stops to think, will realize that his fruit is worth no more than the level of the New York auction. That is just about where the price for fresh fruit is determined. Last year the price for "juice" fruit was determined by the "cheaper" fruit contract signed by Wilcox for the Exchange and Fox for Minute Maid. And it brought about half the money to the California growers that the Florida grower was getting for his fruit which would make concentrate. Florida choice, fresh, of course, brings more money. So does ours, we hope. But if we here in California could only get the same return for our "juice" fruit which would reduce to concentrate that the Florida grower does then most of our problems would vanish. And don't kid yourself—IT CAN BE DONE. It only takes a little CO-OPERATION. It's as simple as that. Hal Boyle NEW YORK (R)—Once upon a time a man named Smith, a man named Brown and a man named Johnson came to call on one of their neighbors—a fellow named Jones. They found him clad in a silk dressing gown and lying on a $750 sofa in his luxurious living room. Jones was idly flicking cigar ashes on the sofa as he talked over the phone to his bookie: "Put $25 for me on Silver Hoof in the sixth tomorrow." He put down the phone, held out a box of fifty-cent stogies and said: "Have a couple, boys. What's your problem?" "You are!" chorused Smith, Brown and Johnson. "How come?" said Jones, surprised. Smith, Brown and Johnson explained. They said his family was living too high for such a modest neighborhood. They Jones. "I'm up to my armpits in debt. If I had some ready cash, I'd sell my place here and move away." "You would?" said Smith, Brown and Johnson. They put their heads together, then announced: "We'll give you $500 each as a present if you will just move away." After a little dickering, Jones got them to raise the ante to $1,000 each, arguing it was a good long-term investment. Smith, Brown and Johnson went to their banks, borrowed the money and paid Jones. He moved out. There ensued a month of peace in the neighborhood. Then Smith got this greeting from Mrs. Smith as he returned from work: "The new people moved into the old Jones place today. They've got a full-time maid. Why can't we have a full-time maid?" "You ought to see the wonderful new park, parked in front of the old Jones house." Mrs. Brown told Brown: "Are we going to go on driving our old well stocked with wonderful buys in bunch vegetables, so young and tender that they may be eaten right out of the hand, and luscious fresh fruits such as watermelons, cantaloupes, apricots, berries, cherries, plums and of course, sweet and juicy Valencia oranges. Fruit jello and simple puddings make grand desserts that put punch in that lunch because fruit or milk may be added. Packaged puddings are quick to make, and if you are taking advantage of that new food bargain, dehydrated milk, this may be added to the pudding to make it extra rich. COOKIE JAR As long as there are kids there will always be a cookie jar. Why not keep it filled with cookies, that besides tasting good, are good for them? Almost any cookie can be enriched with the addition of wheat germ in place of some of the flour, molasses in place of part of the sugar, and dry milk added for good measure. Here are the directions for a cookie especially enjoyed by members of the Anaheim Home Department. WESTERN RANGER COOKIES 1 cup shortening 1 cup white sugar 1 cup brown sugar ½ teaspoonful salt 2 eggs 2 cups sifted flour 1 teaspoon soda ½ teaspoon baking powder 2 cups Rice Crispies or cornflakes 1 cup quick cooking rolled oats 1 cup coconut or walnut Cream shortening and sugar. Add eggs, then flour and remaining ingredients. The mixture will be quite stiff. Drop pieces about the size of a walnut onto an oiled pan, flatten slightly with a spatula. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes at 350 degrees. He put down the phone, held out a box of fifty-cent stogies and said: "Have a couple, boys. What's your problem?" "You are!" chorused Smith, Brown and Johnson. "How come?" said Jones, surprised. Smith, Brown and Johnson explained. They said his family was living too high for such a modest neighborhood. They said their own families now wanted to live that way, too, and it was keeping them broke to try to keep up with the Joneses. "Oh, that's just an old saying, boys," said Jones, tolerantly. "It doesn't mean a thing." "It does around my house," said Smith. "Whatever your wife gets, my wife wants." "Keeping up with the Joneses has made me a prisoner of the installment plan," mounded Brown. "Why did you have to show off by buying a 40-inch screen television set?" demanded Johnson. "Noy my daughter won't even look at our old shabby 21-inch set. She says the screen is so small it hurts her eyes." Jones looked complacent. "It is a matter of pride with the Joneses everywhere to live life to the hilt," he said. "Family pride. What do you expect me to do about it anyway, boys?" "Change your name," said Smith. "Never," said Jones. "I'm a born Jones." "Have your wife take in washing," pleaded Smith. "Any little gesture like that would help." "We all have to try to keep up with the Joneses," grumbled Johnson. "What do the Joneses try to keep up with?" "Right now I'm trying to keep up with my bills," confessed There ensued a month of peace in the neighborhood. Then Smith got this greeting from Mrs. Smith as he returned from work: "The new people moved into the old Jones place today. They've got a full-time maid. Why can't we have a full-time maid?" "You ought to see the wonderful new car parked in front of the old Jones house." Mrs. Brown told Brown. "Are we going to go on driving our old wreck until the wheels fall off?" Johnson's young son was late to dinner. "Why can't I have a new chromium-plated bike, Dad?" he griped. The new kid that moved into where the Joneses lived has got one, but he won't let me ride it. The next Sunday three grim-faced men named Smith, Brown, and Johnson knocked on the door of the departed Jones—and got fresh paint on their hands. "Darn, groaned Smith." He's even redecorating the joint." A maid let them in and then called into the living room, "Some neighbors to see you, sir." They entered and found the new master of the house lolling on a rich-looking sofa and talking into the phone. "Lay $50 for me on Golden Nose in the fifth race tomorrow," he said. He put down the phone and held out a box of dollar cigars. "It's a pleasure—a pleasure," he said cordially. "My name is Jones. Did you know my cousin? He used to live here. His name was Jones, too. Just bought himself a bigger place. Anything I can do for you, boys?" Moral: If you can't whip 'em, join 'em. Change your own name to Jones.