anaheim-gazette 1904-08-25

Between Two Stools By ALEC BRUCE "Oh, my!" sighed the Widow Stahl, for the widow was in the throes of a dilemma. She had lovers, two of them, and for both she entertained a measure of affection and respect. In the balance she had weighed them and found neither wanting. Tip, up went Gottlieb, down went Hans. Tip, up went Hans, down went Gottlieb. Tip, steady; ounce to ounce they weighed and hung. A very hair would sway them. "Ach, dey both be goot vor husbands. Vich best, hey? I don't know now," she mused. "Gottlieb, he haaf a varm, dree hundred acres, two horse, som' cow, som' pig; an' he vork hard; he plow so much. Ach, but Hans, he haaf dat much, too, alretty, an' he vork harder; he plow so much as Gottlieb. Elder vood do. Oh, my!" And again the widow sighed. Now, of the well matched rivals hardworking Hans was the younger and the handsomer, but Gottlieb, if he was older and of coarser fiber, was more ardent, more noticing of the small things so dear to a woman's soul, and if neither had popped the momentous question, right cunningly had Gottlieb approached it. Yah, yah, much nearer than Hans had ever dared to go. "Pauline," one day he had ventured with a grin all over his vacuous face, "you make ride goot soup. Eferey day I wish I ged mine dinner vrom you." "Dat vas near, ver' near, vas it not? Ach, bud Hans! Hans vas chust so awvul handsome, too, te-be-he!" sniggered the widow, and certainly, in the sheepish glances, the frequent vise-like pressures of his horny hand, in his own dumb way Hans told an equally flattering tale. "Ha, bud chust so val I might be careful. Von nefer knows," argued the widow. Truly for this caution the widow had good cause. Before marriage the late Herr Stahl, like the present suitors, had been weighed in the balance and found "not wanting." After marriage a long, long, practical sermon he had preached, the text of which had In the paper. His was a sordid, stomach loofe, chust the thing for the spinster Katrina. For her, Pauline, der vas still the handsome Hans, dree hundred acres, and warm! A month passed. The four insertions petered out. Hans must have seen them, one at least; every farmer read the Western Prairie news. Still Hans did not come. His customary week end visits, even, he omitted, and no letter, no explanation, nothing. He must be sick, declared the widow. Two months passed. Yah, Hans vas sick! She would make some soup, and she would go to him since he could not come to her. So, armed with a pail of Gottlieb's delight, she sought the bashful bachelor in his den. She found him robust, quite cheery, and smoking a corncob pipe. "Ha! you rascal!" she cried playfully. "What vor you vrighten me? What vor you stay away from Pauline?" Replied Hans, rudely puffing an eye smarting cloud past the olive tinted face so near his own: "Your oncle, out ov respec' vor heem, I stay away." Tip, up went Hans. Himmel! Such sweet consideration! "Ya-as, ya-as," stammered Pauline, a series of tiny gulps impeding her usually gilb response, "I-I-vas a-mournin', eh, eh, bud, Hans," she murmured, seating her flat, ungraceful figure close beside him on the settle and searching his stolid face for a tender gleam, "y-you symbathize, you loofe me, hey?" Hans moved away. "Nein, nein!" he muttered roughly. "I haaf change my mind, Pauline. Mine Oncle Charles—I never tell you so before—he own der Western Farmer, yah! Und you, Pauline, von dollar you pay mine oncle vor you're Stuttgart oncle's ad. 'Look out, Hans, look out! mine Oncle Charles say. Ah, ha! your oncle iss not died, Pauline. Ven I see your ad. I write to behem. Mine oncle, he so advise. Your oncle, he reply: 'I.haaf not died. I haaf notting to her advantage, nein!' Hees letter I will read," concluded Hans. "Hey! Huh! A letter! Y-your oncle! M mine oncle! Hey!" staggered the astonished strategist, tilting backward on her seat. "Y-yas," and, disgusted, Hans arose. Crash! The widow was between two stools. Certain That He Would "I once knew an old Irishman would invest his last cent in of a gamble he happened up said a Philadelphia magistrate day. "One Christmas evening home with a ticket entitling chance on a horse and sleigh to be raffled off. "We'll be drivin' out through mount park th' morrow like guns Mary,' he announced wi his wife. "Oh pop won't that be fin in his little son. You an' man on the front seat, and mom Johanna can sit in the back." "'Ye'll be doin' no sich terted the old man.' Twill be seat fer you, my lad. Yer mme be on the front seat wit' me." "I will so! whined the you will so be ridin' on the front." "The old man assumed a rental air and took his pipe mouth to deliver his final decision." "Ye'll not, I tell ye he be havin' no back talk from off the sleigh!" —Philadelphia How the Mails Are Raised There is a vast number of in the postoffice department about 400 cases of rifling their discovered in the course of it is so easy to open and resist that it is a wonder there are sands of cases. Their few volumes for the honesty owe in the service. Here is the expert in opening letters envelope address down up of dry blotting paper. The piece of wet blotting paper sealed flap and allow it to re under pressure of a book or for a few minutes. This m mucillage, and the flap may without injury by rolling a cell beneath it. The content traced, press the flap back dry blotting paper,and may possibly detect the robbery safeguard is sealing wax.-Press. Why Birds Are Easily Lost Birds seem to have no dislike because they have no swallow their food without it. They are terrified to put the appearance of a poison unless the terror be due to an inherited knowledge... Ach, bud Hans! Hans was chust so awvul handsome, too, te-he-he!" snigored the widow, and certainly, in the sheepish glances, the frequent vise-like pressures of his horny hand, in his own dumb way Hans told an equally flattering tale. "Ha, bud chust so val I might be careful. Von nefer knows," argued the widow. Truly for this caution the widow had good cause. Before marriage the late Herr Stahl, like the present sultors, had been weighed in the balance and found "not wanting." After marriage a long, long, practical sermon he had preached, the text of which had been "the waste of precious love." And now: "Loofe, loofe! Oh, no; oh, not!" speered the widow. "Mit such things as dat I haaf notting more to do! Nein, nein!" For her man, Gottlieb or Hans, whichever won her hand, she would wash close, make ride goot soup, clean house and do chust so val as she could. Bud loofe—nein, nein! In a grinding matrimonial mill, to be sure, the widow had been flattened. Not so Gottlieb, not so Hans, and she forgot that, while to them the practical side of the contract must have its rosette hues, the loofe side still would be the roser. Such was the case. For the tender feminine signs which never came each bashful lover had waited long, and at last: "Ach, chust so val I vaft som' longer. Von nefer knows; von nefer knows," each argued in his turn. Now, to her name the Widow Stahl had nothing—no horse, no cow, no pig, no dot. But, worst of all, the marriage mangle had squeezed from her that subtle coquetry, the magnet of her sex, and try as she might to extract a proposal from her cooling swains, they returned only sheepish looks, hand claps and praise for culinary skill. O'hone, what was the matter? The widow steeped her brains. "Ach, Gott, the sordid loons!" It was dowry they were after. To vash close, to make ride goot soup, to clean house, to do chust so val as a woman can, was not enough for them—ach, nein. At last she understood. In the old country the widow had an oncle. Seventy years of age was the oncle, and at seventy oncles sometimes die. To Gottlieb and to Hans of that oncle she had often spoken—yah, yah! Eight thousand dollars she believed he had amassed. Ah, if in loofe Pauline was weak in strategy she was strong! Mine Gott, she had a scheme! In the widow of the late Auguste Stahl mit the undersigned vill correspond, of som'ting greatly to her advantage she vill hear. In Stuttgart her aged oncle haaf died. Four insertions such as that in the Western Prairie Farmers and Pauline could take her choice. Hans? Mebbe. Gottlieb? Mebbe. Ach, chust so val she might be careful. The less sordid she would choose. "Hey?" mused Gottlieb, two weeks later, when his gray green eyes deserved four closely printed lines in the personal of the Western Prairie Farmer. "Hey, Stuttgart? Dat might be Pauline's oncle mit the convertable vortune. Pauline, ha! she vash close; she make ride goot soup. Vy not ged mine dinner by her eferey day? I can chust so val ny vor two den. I haaf your oncle iss not died, Pauline. Ven I see your ad. I write to beem. Mine oncle, he so advise. Your oncle, he reply: Ihaaf not died. I haaf notting to her advantage, nein!" Hees letter I will read," concluded Hans. "Hey! Huh! A letter! Y-your oncle! M-mine oncle! Hey!" staggered the astonished strategist, tilting backward on her seat. "Y-yaas," and, disgusted, Hans arose. Crash! The widow was between two stools. In a Russian Village. As a rule a Russian village is a forlorn looking place, where the huts of the poor are made of birch logs, with upright oak or pine supports, ceilings of strips of the same birch and walls lined with the crude branches. In these huts there are only two rooms, one of which is not for everyday use, but is kept for best occasions. This room houses those sacred images so dear to the heart of every member of the Greek church, to which belong the great mass of the Russian people. The other room serves the purpose of both kitchen and sleeping room, as one of the principal ideas of comfort to these people, ice and snow bound for so many months of the year, is warmth. In many of the peasant huts no beds are used, and the top of a great stove, reaching nearly to the roof, is a much sought sleeping place. Although the conditions make dirt and the accompanying results inseparable in the domestic life of these peasants, they are devotedly fond of bathing. The vapor bath in a crude form may be called a national institution, and a not unusual picture of a summer afternoon is the village pond filled with women and children bathers.-Social Service. Sample Meansnesses. These stories of mean persons are collected by an English newspaper: A millionaire and his wife who were shown through a building at Windsor handed the attendant a halfpenny. It was explained that it was the only copper the millionaire had, the other coins being all silver. There are ways of becoming a millionaire and also of remaining one. The story is told of a grocer who, when retailing a quarter of a pound of jujubes, cut one in halves with a ham knife in order to make the balance true. A grocer had been handling a woman a few sweetmeats when she squared her weekly account. One night she asked what was the value of the sweeties. She was told. She mentioned that she did not care for sweetmeats and preferred if he would give her the value of them in sugar. Chess. It is no easy task to convince the modern school chess crank that his pet theories and openings were known and played centuries ago, and yet such is the case. The further we probe into ancient history the more modern becomes the style of the games of chess which are unearthed, until it looks as if the old masters were well up in all the wrinkles of the most favorite openings. The Ruy Lopez, invented for centuries and continues to be a popular opening with the chess mas- Why Birds Are Easily Distracted Birds seem to have no distraction in regard to polls because they have no swallow their food without it. They are terrified to put their appearance of the serpent to an inherited knowledge omous power, but such interest as rooks will pick up and eat grain, and crows and raws eat poisoned eggs or meat will eat the poisonous seeds num and die from its effect birds such as tits and ever do so does not seem to But wild birds are frequently dying in gardens, though they have been in good health hours before, and their death due to the consumption of seeds.-London Spectator. A Short and Caustic In "The Life of Dean son," Reginald Farrar has many extracts from "Mr Known"—for example, this story of Browning, which recalled: John Stuart Mill upon a copy of "Bells andates," sent a request to Zine for permission to review editor answered that "unfeder could not insert a review of Pomegranates,' as it had been in the last number." Mia had the curiosity to see that and found the following: Pomegranates," by Robert Balderdash." The Origin of "Zine" It has often been stated that gin of the word "tip" was titles of the words "to infess." I think this is an exe fee a wafter was regal York city as a bribe—that it of one guest to secure attention expense of other guests. The authority of Phil Hone York's mayor. "Tip" me dental spilling." A guest was ashamed of it. So he ly" dropped a coin when only the waiter could see prevent the exposure of ta—New York Times. The Cat's Eye The cat's eye stone, now ornamentation is a very dirty from the ancient cat's eye India, an agate cut so as called eye or eyes. By some that this latter money in some parts of lurries ago, and specimens have an interest to numis- Making It Persistent "Did you ever long for my soulful, dyspeptic yea practical young woman fourth long call he had that week, and she was sa "Whose death do you Four insertions such as that in the Western Prairie Farmer and Pauline could take her choice. Hans Mebbe, Gottlieb? Mebbe, Ach, chust so val she might be careful. The less sordid she would choose. "Hey?" mused Gottlieb, two weeks later when his gray green eyes deceived four closely printed lines in the personal of the Western Prairie Farmer. "Hey, Stuttgart? Dat might be Pauline's oncle mit the convertable vortune. Pauline, ha! she vash close; she make ride goot soup. Vy not ged mine dinner by her eferey day? I can chust so val pay vor two, den. I haaf more time to vork. Hey, vy not? Und—and to Hans, dat leetle mortgage I could pay. Hey, vy not?" So to the widow hastened Gottlieb. "Pauline," in a cold sweat he rambled, his bony fingers clinching and unclinching at a crackling hayseed hat, "I—I—loofe you. I—I—haaf a varm, dree hondred acres, two horse, som' cow, som' plg. You—you haaf notting—notting at all, Pauline, no warm, no husband. You vas a relic; but I loofe you. Pauline, I loofe you. You vash die close, ged dinner, clean house. I plow, vork in de yield. Ve better ged married, hey?" It was a mighty effort for the wooer, but it did not please the wooed. "Hey, so I vas a relic, vas I, Gottlieb? What vor you loofe relies? Dem only interestin'. Ach, vrom the heart you do not loofe me, nein! Vrom the stomack, mebbe. 'Ride goot soup, Pauline,' you once say, ha! ha! What vor we ged married. Gottlieb, hey? Nein, nein!" she crammed in his face. Threatened Gottlieb: "Den, I marry Katrina." "Katrina, hey?" sneered Pauline with a clumpy shrug. "Ach, val she marry you. Gottlieb. She joomp at you. You ask at her!" Himmel! A few moments later, as she listened to the slow, uncertain shuffle of his heavy feet trailing down the wooden stair, the widow wavered. Should she recall him they? Ach, nein! He had seen the ad. about her oncle A fine line of whiskles just received at Commercial Hotel Bar—Wilson. Mt. Vernon. Hunter, Mariand Scotch, Kentucky Taylor, old Oscar Pepper. Jackson Club, Rock and Rye and other brands. Dining room services first class. Give us a call. SAGER & HATFIELD. Prods. Give us a trial and we know you will be pleased. Hutchinson's drug store Chess. It is no easy task to convince the modern school chess crank that his pet theories and openings were known and played centuries ago, and yet such is the case. The further we probe into ancient history the more modern becomes the style of the games of chess which are unearthed, until it looks as if the old masters were well up in all the wrinkles of the most favorite openings. The Ruy Lopez, invented by a priest of that name, has been played for centuries and continues to be a popular opening with the chess masters of today. The Ginoco piano has received the attention of modern analysts, and yet we find that the same moves were played centuries ago. THE HALIFAX GIBBET. A Sort of Guillotine That Was Once Used In England. An ancient law of Hardwick forest, a tract coextensive with Halifax parish, is sung by Tayler, the water poet: At Halifax the law so sharpe doth deale That whoso more than thirteen pence doth steale. They have a jin that wondrous quick and well Sends thleves all headless into heaven or helle. This "jin" resembled the guillotine in construction and stood on a stone scaffold, unearthed when Gibbet' hill was leveled. The ax is preserved. This, the only guillotine used in England, was the forerunner of the "maiden," introduced into Scotland by Regent Morton and now in the Edinburgh Antiquarian museum. The "Halifax gibbet" was last used in 1650 and the "malden" for Lord Argyll in 1661 and his son in 1685, who spoke of it as the sweetest midden he ever kissed. Dr. Guillotine did not invent the machine. Dr. Louis constructed one in 1701, the "Louison," but the name "guillotine" became general from the burst of surgical enthusiasm, in which Dr. Guillotine, in 1789, after deploring the tedious torture of hanging, exclaimed, "With my machine I strike off your head in the twinkling of an eye, and you never feel it!"—London Globe. The Death Penalty A little thing sometimes results in death. Thus a mere scratch, insignificant cuts or puny bolls have paid the death penalty. It is wise to have Bucklen's Arnica Salve ever handy. It's the best Salve on earth, and will prevent fatality when Burns, Sores, Ulcers and Piles threaten. Only 25c, at W.B. Hutchinson's drug store. Making It Personally "Did you ever long for me the soulful, dyspeptic yea'the practical young woman fourth long call he had that week, and she was se 'Whose death do you asked in a dry, discouraging ornament, is a very diffe from the ancient cat's eyewear of India, an agate cut so called eye or eyes. I by some that this latter money in some parts of its turles ago, and specimens have an interest to numbness." A Certain Teeth Daughter—I sometime Jack really loves me. If you needn't I've been beey from him for the last and he hasn't decreased Brooklyn Life. Sound Logic Professor of Logic—I down in this room. I anywhere. There has be besides myself. Therefore ting on it. (He was.)" Incidental Bursley—He claims to you and says he can provide The man's a fool. Bursley be a mere coincidence. Japanese Geek It is said that there is than 8,000,000 gods of the Japanese. Praying easy. In the streets with prayers printed on a small wheel attached ing by can give the whata that counts as a prayer in the second largest oceans of which the emptiest worship the bear and sun moon fire wind anthem. Heard In The "You don't know eno when it rains," derisively in the umbrella. "Look here," retorted "such bluffs from a merger don't go with me. My up or shut up' every time." The Main Queue First Artist—We must for our subjects. Seco that's easy, but where we to go for our custom life." Certain That He Would Win. "I once knew an old Irishman who would invest his last cent in any kind of a gamble he happened up against," said a Philadelphia magistrate the other day. "One Christmas eve he came home with a ticket entitling him to a chance on a horse and sleigh that were to be raffled off. "We'll be drivin' out through Fairmount park th' morrow like th' big guns, Mary,' he announced with pride to his wife. "Oh, pop, won't that be fine!" chined in his little son. 'You an' me ride on the front seat, and mom and little Johanna can sit in the back." "Ye'll be doin' no sich thing,' asserted the old man. 'Twill be the back seat fer you, my lad. Yer mother will be on the front seat wit' me." "I will so! whined the youngster. I will so be ridin' on the front." "The old man assumed a stern parental air and took his pipe from his mouth to deliver his final decision. "Ye'll not, I tell ye, he said. 'Till be havin' no back talk from ye. Git off the sleigh!"—Philadelphia Press. How the Mails Are Robbed. There is a vast number of employees in the postoffice department, yet only about 400 cases of rifling the mails are discovered in the course of a year. It is so easy to open and reseal letters that it is a wonder there are not thousands of cases. Their fewness speaks volumes for the honesty of the men in the service. Here is the method of the expert in opening letters: Place the envelope, address down, upon a piece of dry blotting paper. Then lay a piece of wet blotting paper upon the sealed flap and allow it to remain there under pressure of a book or something for a few minutes. This moistens the mucilage, and the flap may be lifted without injury by rolling a cedar penell beneath it. The contents being extracted, press the flap back with the dry blotting paper, and nobody can possibly detect the robbery. The only safeguard is sealing wax.—New York Press. Why Birds Are Easily Poisoned. Birds seem to have no discrimination whatever in regard to poisons, probably because they have no sense and swallow their food without masticating it. They are terrified to paralysis by the appearance of a poisonous snake, unless the terror be due to dread of the appearance of the serpent rather than to an inherited knowledge of its venom. DEVOTED WAGTAILS. These Birds Mate For Life and Are Extremely Affectionate. The wagtail frequently migrates from one part of the country to another and sometimes congregates in flocks, but he pairs for life, and the same pair always reappear, sometimes when they are least expected and all the more welcome from their occasional absence, on their favorite lawn. Their devotion to one another is extreme, as a scene I witnessed some forty years ago, but which is as fresh in my memory as if I had seen it yesterday, will show. A wagtail had been killed, probably by a stone, and was lying dead in the middle of the circular drive in frost of Down House, Blandford. The survivor seemed beside himself with grief. Like Eve in "Paradise," he knew not what death was," or, at most, the reality was only gradually breaking in upon him. He kept running up to the body with loud and plaintive call notes. He called, but there was no response. He caressed the body, caught hold of it with his little bill, coaxed it to move and drew it after him for a yard or two. He even tried to rise with it in the air. Then, like one distraught, he dashed sway to the edge of the gravel drive and then as quickly dashed back again, to go through the same mournful processes. Sometimes he would fly right off in wavering, uncertain flight as far as the eye could follow him, as though he could bear the sight no longer, but without stopping to rest he hurried back in straighter and quicker flight, unable to tear himself away or as if he hoped that something might have happened in his absence. This long drawn tragedy, this abandonment of grief, I watched from the window throughout the afternoon till darkness came on. Next/morning the body had disappeared, and I saw the survivor no more.—R. Bosworth Smith in Nineteenth Century. SENTENCE SERMONS. Self conceit is self deceit. Only the weak have time to worry. Meditation is the mold of character. All great deeds have been born of dreams. A man's size does not depend on his situation. There never was greatness without gratitude. Mr. Gladboy has such a pleasant smile! I think he must have a very sweet temper." "Um-m! Probably his wife has!"—Brooklyn Life. Fatal Error. He wrote a song melodramatical And hoped that some fame it might bring. But it failed. There was not a grammatical Mistake in the whole blooming thing. —Philadelphia Ledger. Attractiveness of New Friends. Edmonia—How you do love to make new friends! Eustache—Yes; they are so much more polite than the old ones.—Detroit Free Press. Doubtful Question. Is dey anything sweeter than possum? I, dunno; heaven's too fur off ter tell much erbout it."—Atlanta Constitution. Hard Luck. A clever young man at the Sault Bit off more than he safely could chault, And the people all shout, Now the cash has run out, "We'll sault yault; that's what we will dault!" —Montreal Herald. The Requirement. Does it take true genius to be a poet laureate?" asked the tourist. No," answered the English bard; "not genius, courage." England's Oldest Railway Station. The only railway station in England that can boast of being really old is that at Bourne, Lincolnshire, which is an ancient Elizabethan mansion, formerly in the possession of the Digby family, some members of which were implicated in the gunpowder plot. When the Great Northern and Midland railroads came through this district, a memorial was sent from the inhabitants of Bourne asking that instead of pulling the old landmark down it might be converted into a railway station, for which purpose it answers admirably now. Part of the house is used as a residence by the station master. If you wish to be held in esteem, you must associate only with those who are estimable.—Bruyere. Suicide Prevented The startling announcement that a preventive of suicide had been discovered will interest many. A run down system, or despondency invariably pre- FACTS ABOUT ANSWERING TO A PROBLEM OF PROCURING OF LAND AT LOW FIGURES, terms, make our sea county very attractive geous for truck raising on a small scale, are a few of the prod lems, walnuts, grape apricots, sugar beets, vegetables of all kinds. Anaheim is the place Building and Loan Water company, two n cannery and drier, large ostrich farm bank servi Why Birds Are Easily Poisoned. Birds seem to have no discrimination whatever in regard to poisons, probably because they have no sense and swallow their food without masticating it. They are terrified to paralysis by the appearance of a poisonous snake, unless the terror be due to dread of the appearance of the serpent rather than an inherited knowledge of its venomous power, but such intelligent birds as rooks will pick up and eat poisoned grain, and crows and ravens readily eat poisoned eggs or meat. Chickens will eat the poisonous seeds of laburnum and die from its effects. Whether birds such as tits and greenfinches ever do so does not seem to be known. But wild birds are frequently found dying in gardens, though apparently they have been in good health a few hours before, and their death may be due to the consumption of poisonous seeds—London Spectator. A Short and Caustic Review. In "The Life of Dean Farrar" his son, Reginald Farrar, has included many extracts from "Men I Have Known"—for example, the following story of Browning, which is worth recalling: John Stuart Mill, happening upon a copy of "Bells and Pomegranates," sent a request to Tait's Magazine for permission to review it. The editor answered that "unfortunately he could not insert a review of 'Bells and Pomegranates,' as it had been reviewed in the last number." Mr. Browning had the curiosity to see this "review" and found the following: "Bells and Pomegranates," by Robert Browning; Balderdash." The Origin of "Tip." It has often been stated that the origin of the word "tip" was from the initials of the words "to insure promptness." I think this is an error. In 1834 fee a waiter was regarded in New York city as a bribe—that is, an attempt of one guest to secure attention at the expense of other guests. This is on the authority of Phil Hone, then New York's mayor. "Tip" means "an accidental spilling." A guest who tipped was ashamed of it. So he "accidentally" dropped a coin where and when only the waiter could see it so as to prevent the exposure of a mean trick—New York Times. The Cat's Eye. The cat's eye stone, now prized as an ornament, is a very different thing from the ancient cat's eye, or eyestone of India, an agate cut so as to show the so called eye or eyes. It is supposed by some that this latter was used as money in some parts of India four centuries ago, and specimens found today have an interest to numismatics. Making It Personal. "Did you ever long for death?" asked the soulful, dyspeptic young man of the practical young woman. It was the fourth long call he had made on her that week, and she was sleepy. "Whose death do you mean?" she fell into a discouraging tone. SENTENCE SERMONS. Self conceit is self deceit. Only the weak have time to worry. Meditation is the mold of character. All great deeds have been born of dreams. A man's size does not depend on his situation. There never was greatness without gratitude. Benevolence for business only breeds malevolence. A light heart makes a light house in a dark world. Life is the fruit of the past and the seed of the future. Put out the lamp of works and you lose the light of faith. It is the truths we do and not the ones we indorse that save us. People who are always trying to be some one else succeed in being nobody at all—Chicago Tribune. Rousseau's Affection. Rousseau lived long on his fifth floor in Paris, forgotten by the world which he affected to despise and from affection really shunned, when an accident happened to him in one of his solitary walks. He was met in a narrow part of the street by M. de Fargeau, driving very fast in his carriage, and in his attempt to get out of the way was pushed down by a large Danish dog running before the horses. M. de Fargeau immediately stopped his coach and hastened to assist the person whom his dog had thus knocked down, but when he saw it was the author of "Emillus" he renewed his apologies and attentions. The next day he sent to ask after Rousseau. "Tell your master to chain up his dog." was the only answer. DUODECIMALISMS. In Theory the Number 12 Is a Better Unit Than Is 10. Herbert Spencer was ever opposed to the metric system. He was no such fool as to call the present British reckoning in pounds, shillings and pence satisfactory. His point was that the number 12 was a better unit than 10. Twelve is twice divisible where 10 is only once divisible. One-quarter of 10 is 2½, not an integral number. There are other reasons, based upon the observed workings of the human mind, all tending to show that to reckon in dozens is more natural than to reckon in tens as soon as man grows beyond the finger counting stage. In scientific duodecimalism new characters would have to be designed for 10 and 11, while 12 itself would be written 10. The number now called 144 would be written as 100, and 1,728 would be 1,000. The present number 100 would be 84. In the course of a hundred years or so, when people had got used to it, the duodecimal system would be just as convenient as the decimal. Twelve inches would make a foot, twelve feet a rod, and so on. In theory duodecimalism is sound. But it is not an easy thing to change a people's standards of money, weights came on. Next morning the body had disappeared, and I saw the survivor no more—R. Bosworth Smith in Nineteenth Century. SENTENCE SERMONS. Self concelt is self deceit. Only the weak have time to worry. Meditation is the mold of character. All great deeds have been born of dreams. A man's size does not depend on his situation. There never was greatness without gratitude. Benevolence for business only breeds malevolence. A light heart makes a light house in a dark world. Life is the fruit of the past and the seed of the future. Put out the lamp of works and you lose the light of faith. It is the truths we do and not the ones we indorse that save us. People who are always trying to be some one else succeed in being nobody at all—Chicago Tribune. Suicide Prevented The startling announcement that a preventive of suicide had been discovered will interest many. A run down system, or despondency invariably precede suicide and something has been found that will prevent that condition which makes suicide likely. At the first thought of self destruction take Electric Bitters. It being a great tonic and nertine will strengthen the nerves and build up the system. It's also a great stomach, liver and kidney regulator. Only 50c. Satisfaction guaranteed by W. B. Hutchinson, druggist. FRENCH MIDDLE CLASSES. They Are Passing Rich on a Thousand Dollars a Year. "A French lady, widow of an officer, once said to me," says the writer, "that she always traveled first class because she was rich, afterward explaining that her income was exactly £200 a year. But she was rich because most likely she never spent more than £170, and the explanation, I dare say, applies to the medical men in the country. They are rich, in all probability, on three or four hundred a year—rich just because they make much more than they spend. In order to comprehend French life and character we must bear one fact in mind. Appearance is not a fetich in France as in England; outside show is not sacrificed to; Mrs. Grundy is no twentieth century Braal. On the other hand, good reputation is sedulously nursed; personal dignity and family honor are hedged round with respect. "We must not take the so-called realistic novelist's standard to be the true one. Frenchmen, I should say, as a rule, spend a third less upon dress than Englishmen. It does not follow that the individual is held in slight esteem, personality discounted. These provincial and country doctors do not outwardly resemble their spick and span English colleagues, nor do they affect what is called style in their equilage—in most cases the conveyance is a bicycle—and manner of living. How can they upon an income derived from one and eight penny fees? But many are doubtless rich in the logical acceptance of the word—that is, they live considerably below their income and save money."—Chambers' Journal. ONE ON TEDDY It has been reported of President Roosevelt that only once has he found himself at a loss for words to clearly and forcibly express himself. That time was when the presidential party visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona last summer. After gazing from its brink for several minutes, the President turned to Paul Morton and said: "It is beyond comparison, beyond description, it's awful." There is but one Grand Canyon, one way to reach it. Ask the Santa Fe agent. General Passenger agent Jno. J. Brume of the Santa Fe Agency has authorized Making It Personal. "Did you ever long for death?" asked the soulful, dyspeptic young man of the practical young woman. It was the fourth long call he had made on her that week, and she was sleepy. "Whose death do you mean?" she asked in a dry, discouraging tone. A Certain Test. Daughter—I sometimes wonder if Jack really loves me. Brother—Well, you needn't. I've been borrowing money from him for the last nine months, and he hasn't decreased his visits. Brooklyn Life. Sound Logic. Professor of Logic—I put my hat down in this room. I cannot see it anywhere. There has been nobody in besides myself. Therefore I am sitting on it. (He was.) Incidental. Bursley—He claims to be related to you and says he can prove it. Floyd—The man's a fool. Bursley—That may be a mere coincidence. Smart Set. Japanese Gods. It is said that there are no fewer than 8,000,000 gods worshiped by the Japanese. Praying is made very easy. In the streets are tall posts with prayers printed on them and with a small wheel attached. Any one passing by can give the wheel a turn, and that counts as a prayer. The people in the second largest of the 3,850 islands of which the empire is composed worship the bear and reverence the sun, moon, fire, wind and water. Heard In the Hall. "You don't know enough to stay in when it rains," derisively said the cane is the umbrella. "Look here," retorted the umbrella, "such bluffs from a mere stick like you don't go with me. My motto is 'Put up or shut up' every time." The Main Question. First Artist—We must go to nature for our subjects. Second Artist—Oh, that's easy, but where in thunder are we to go for our customers?—Brooklyn Life. In scientific duodecimalism new characters would have to be designated for 10 and 11, while 12 itself would be written 10. The number now called 144 would be written as 100, and 1,728 would be 1,000. The present number 100 would be 84. In the course of a hundred years or so, when people had got used to it, the duodecimal system would be just as convenient as the decimal. Twelve inches would make a foot, twelve feet a rod, and so on. In theory duodecimalism is sound. But it is not an easy thing to change a people's standards of money, weights and measures.—New York World. INDIGESTION "I was troubled with stomach trouble. Theford's Black-Draught did me more good in one week than all the doctor's medicine I took in a year."—MRS. SARAH H. SHIRFIELD, ELLETTSVILLE, Ind. Theford's Black-Draught quickly invigorates the section of the stomach and cures even chronic cases of indigestion. If you will take a small dose of Theford's Black-Draught occasionally you will keep your stomach and liver in perfect condition. THEDFORD'S BLACK-DRAUGHT More sickness is caused by constipation than by any other disease. Theford's Black-Draught not only relieves constipation but cures diarrhoea and dysentery and keeps the bowels regular. All druggists sell 25-cent packages. "Theford's Black-Draught is the best medicine to regulate the bowels I have ever used."—MRS. A. M. GRANT, Sneads Ferry, N.C. CONSTIPATION ONE ON TEDDY It has been reported of President Roosevelt that only once has he found himself at a loss for words to clearly and forcebly express himself. That time was when the presidential party visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona last summer. After gazing from its brink for several minutes, the President turned to Paul Morton and said: "It is beyond comparison, beyond description, it's awful." There is but one Grand Canyon, one way to reach it. Ask the Santa Fe agent. General Passenger agent Jno. J. Byrne, of the Santa Fe has authorized another special (personally conducted) excursion to the St. Louis World's Fair, via the Grand Canyon in Arizona. The party will leave here Wednesday, Sept. 7th, and will spend one whole day at the canyon en route. Death For Killing a Cat. A law of one of the old Saxon kings of England decreed that the killing of a cat was punishable by death, and curious as it may seem, this law was in existence until less than fifty years ago. Both the old Welsh and the English laws concurred in a curious penalty for killing the king's cat, "the guardian of the royal barn." The offender was denied in a heap of corn sufficient to cover the defunct animal when held up by the tip of its tail with its whiskers touching the floor. Among the Ladies. "His wife must be the worst house-keeper in the world." "Why so?" "Why, her husband stated publicly that there wasn't a day in the year when he wasn't perfectly comfortable at home."—New Orleans Times-Democrat. Welcome News. Collector—Now, you've been owing me this money altogether too long. This is the last time I shall call with the bill. Harduppe—Indeed! Well, then, goodby! I had been in hopes of seeing you many more times. Didn't Suit. Doo D. (to Jeweler)—I brought back this engagement ring that I bought yesterday. Jeweler—Didn't it suit? Doo D.-Yes, it was all right, but I didn't suit. As people grow older the floor keeps growing farther away every time they try to stoop over.—Atchison Globe. FACTS ABOUT ANAHEIM Sketch of the industries and Resources of the Most Beautiful Part of California. The City of Anaheim, with a population of 2500, is situated in the northern part of Orange county, in Southern California, 12 miles from the ocean, 4½ miles from the foothills, and 148½ feet above sea level. It is 27 miles from Los Angeles, the second largest city in the State of California. The climatic conditions are the most favorable for out-door life to be found in Southern California. The temperature is extremely uniform, seldom rising above 90 degrees in summer, or falling below 32 degrees in winter. The abundance of sunlight and the absence of sharp frosts and cold winds make it a place especially acceptable to those desiring to escape the severe climate of the east. The country is very attractive. It is practically level, with just sufficient slope from the hills to afford adequate drainage. The roads are level, well graded, and well kept, affording excellent opportunities for cycling and driving. The soil is a rich sandy loam which never bakes, making it a very easy ground to work; thus lending itself readily to the cultivation of berries, nuts, oranges, etc. The variety of products, and the possibility of procuring small tracts of land at low figures, and on easy terms, make our section of the county very attractive and advantageous for truck raising, or for farming on a small scale. The following are a few of the products: oranges, lemons, walnuts, grapes, peaches, apricots, sugar beets, berries and vegetables of all kinds. Anaheim is the possessor of a Building and Loan Association, Water company, two railroads, fruit cannery and drier, large oil industry, ostrich farm bank several adequate $67.50 To St. Louis and Return May 11, 12, 13; June 1, 2, 15, 16, 22, 23; July 1, 2, 7, 8, 11, 14; August 8, 9, 10, 18, 19; September 5, 6, 7, 8; October 3, 4, 5, 6. Return limit, ninety days. Take the Rock Island System and you go thro' without change. Scenic or Southern Line, as preferred. Standard and tourist sleeping cars; dining cars. Trains stop at Main Entrance World's Fair. Full information on request. Call or write. F. L. Miller, Dist. Pass. Agt. 237 S. Spring Street, Los Angeles. La Habra Valley Ten acres to colony tracts, with an abundance of pure water piped on land. Price $130 to $150 per acre. Easy terms. W. J. Hole, Los Angeles THE CLEANSING AND HEALING CATARRH PALACE LIVERY L Hahn Prop FACTS ABOUT ORANGE CO. The census bureau has issued a bulletin on agriculture in California which we quote from extensively in another part of this issue. One of the interesting features of the report is the paragraph giving the number of farms and acres of farming lands in the five Southern California counties. The pre-eminence of Orange county is apparent: Counties. No. farms. Acres. Los Angeles. 6577. 895,063 Orange. 2388. 569,436 Riverside. 2340. 427,097 San Bernardino. 2350. 219,182 San Diego. 2698. 809,419 But it is in the acreage of irrigated lands that Orange county takes easy precedence over the other counties of Southern California: Counties. Acres. Los Angeles. 85,644 Orange. 41,549 Riverside. 32,947 San Bernardino. 37,877 San Diego. 16,022 The area of Orange county is 780 square miles; that of Los Angeles, 3880; that of Riverside, 7008; that of San Bernardino, 20,055, and that of San Diego, 8400 square miles. Orange county thus contains one-fifth the area of Los Angeles; yet its irrigated lands approach in area to one-half those of its neighbor to the north. Riverside embraces nine times its area, yet it irrigates 9000 more acres, or a fourth more than the belaunded county on the east. San Bernardino is 25 times its size, yet its irrigated acres exceed those of this jumbo county by nearly 4000, approximately ten per cent. San Diego is eleven times its size, yet it irrigates 25,000 acres more than the county on the south—300 per cent is the former's irrigated area as compared with that of the latter—almost the irrigated area of San Diego and Riverside combined. Orange county possesses the finest system of irrigation, the most secure water rights, that exist in Southern California. That is what we have said many a time and oft. These figures prove it. It is the handsomest and most productive county that lies outdoors and is settling up faster than any other in the State. THE CLEANSING AND HEALING CURE FOR CATARRH is Ely's Cream Balm Easy and pleasant to use. Contains no injurious drug. It is quickly absorbed. Gives Relief at once. It Opens and Cleanses the Nasal Passages. Allays Inflammation. Beals and Protects the Membrane. Restores the Senses of Cause and Smell. Huge Size. 60 cents at Droppings or by mail: Trial Size, 10 cents by mail. ELY BROTHERS, 56 Warren Street, New York. JOSEPH BACKS, Undertaker and Embalmer DEALER IN Furniture and Bedding Repairing Done. Bird V. Beebe... Agent for Studebaker Carriages and Wagons, Oliver and Canton Clipper Plows, Killefer, Canton and Iron Age Cultivators, Harness, Robes and Whips.: AGENT FOR Cleveland, Columbia, Crescent Bicycles ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA. In the Superior Court, State of California County of Orange. In the matter of the estate of Henry Wrede, deceased, notice for publication of time for proving will, etc. NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT FRIDAY, the 2nd day of September, 1904, at 10 o'clock a.m. of said day, at the court room of this court, in the City of Santa Ana, County of Orange, State of California, has been appointed as the time and place for hearing the application of R. H. Gilman, praying that a document now on file in this court purporting to be the will and testament of the said deceased be admitted to probate, that letters testamentary be issued thereon to said R. H. Gilman, at which time and place all persons interested therein may appear and contest the same. Dated August 9, 1904. C. D. LESTER, County Clerk. RICHARD MELROSE AND F. C. SPENCER, Attorneys for petitioner. By W. B. Williams, Deputy. aug11-3t MONEY can be borrowed on more favorable terms from the SAVINGS, LOAN and BUILDING ASSOCIATION OF ANAHEIM than from any similar institution in the State A Home Institution conducted by home men If you want to borrow money at a low rate to pay off your present mortgage, or to build a home or to improve your present one, address or call on Fred A. Backs, Jr., Secretary Anaheim San Diego is eleven times its size, yet it irrigates 25,000 acres more than the county on the south—300 per cent is the former's irrigated area as compared with that of the latter—almost the irrigated area of San Diego and Riverside combined. Orange county possesses the finest system of irrigation, the most secure water rights, that exist in Southern California. That is what we have said many a time and oft. These figures prove it. It is the handsomest and most productive county that lies outdoors and is settling up faster than any other in the State. NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT FRIEDAY, THE 2ND DAY OF SEPTEMBER, 1904, AT 10 O'CLOCK A.M. OF SALIDAY, AT THE Court Room OF THIS COURT, IN THE CITY OF Santa Ana, County OF ORANGE, STATE OF CALIFORNIA, HAS BEEN APPLIED AS THE TIME AND PLACE FOR HEARING THE APPLICATION OF R. H. Gilman, praying that a document now on file in this court, purporting to be the last will and testament of the said deceased, be admitted to probate, that letters testamentary be issued thereon to said R. H. Gilman, at which time and place all persons interested therein may appear and contest the same. Dated August 9, 1904. C. D. LESTER, County Clerk. RICHARD MELROSE AND F. C. SPENCER, Attorneys for petitioner. By W. B. Williams, Deputy. aug11-3t The Only Celery Food The only food in which celery forms an important part—its nourishing qualities of a marked character. It acts admirably upon the nervous system—recommended for wakefulness, rheumatism and neuralgia. Dr. PRICE'S WHEAT FLAKE CELERY FOOD Celery one of its principal ingredients, it helps to regulate the bowels; a restorative in debility of the digestive organs and has a direct effect upon the kidneys. It's a food—not a medicine. Palatable—Nutritious—Easy of Digestion and Ready to Eat My signature on every package. Dr. Price, the creator of Dr. Price's Cream Baking Powder and Delicious Flavoring Extracts. A cook book containing 76 excellent receipts for using the Food malled free to any address. Prepared by PRICE CEREAL FOOD COMPANY, Chicago, Illinois. FOR SALE BY—STERN BROS., WALLOP BROS., H. A. DICKEL.