anaheim-gazette 1903-07-02

THE POINT OF THE JOKE. It Was Difficult For the Englishman, but He Finally Saw It. A party of Englishmen were in Chicago sightseeing some time ago. They were entertained at dinner by some Chicago Englishmen who have lived in America long enough to have a keen appreciation of the American idea of a joke. During the evening all the members of the party told stories or sung songs and entertained according to their several abilities. One of the English visitors could see nothing funny in the stories told by the Chicago Englishmen. Every time one of them would tell a good American story at which most of the party would laugh uproariously this particular Englishman would adjust his monocle to his eye and, looking wonderingly around the table, would remark, "But, I say, I don't see anything in that to laugh at, y'know." One of the Chicago men finally recited an original poem. The poem told of an Englishman who had come to America and after being in this country only a short time had died and gone to another and much warmer country. Ten years passed, and one day an imp passing that way heard the Englishman laughing uproariously. "Why, what are you laughing at?" inquired the imp. "Oh, oh, oh, such a funny story as I heard in America! Oh, it was so funny!" laughed the victim, and he held his hands to his side and almost doubled up with merriment. "A story you heard! Why, you've heard no story," said the imp. "You've been dead ten years." "Yes, yes, I know, I know," cried the man. "But I've just seen the joke." This poem set the table in a roar. Amid all the laughing and shouting the obtuse visitor adjusted his monocle and drawled out, "But, I say, I don't see anything funny in that, y'know." "No," replied the man who had read the poem as quick as a flash. "Of course you don't. You haven't been dead ten years." And even the obtuse Englishman saw the point—Chicago Tribune. Thought Him One of the Queer Ones. Mr. Quiller-Couch tells this story in the Fall Mall Magazine: "Hicks, governor of the Cornwall County Lunatic asylum, had a great many friends—extramural friends, I mean—and among them an accomplished landscape painter. This artist, captivated by the beauty of the little seaport town of East Looe, took lodgings there, chose his 'subject' and started to make some drawings of it on the rocks at low tide. "A few days later Hicks drove over TRAINING A WARHORSE. How He Is Taught to Stand the Blast and Thunder of Battle. A warhorse is broken to be steady under fire by tying ropes to his legs. While the animal is down on the ground the officer takes a pistol and fires it close to his ear. Then in rapid order he fires the weapon over his back, under his neck, between his legs, anywhere that an opening presents itself during the horse's futile struggles. Not until he sinks back exhausted, all a-tremble and showing the whites of his eyes, does the pistol practice cease. After two or three lessons of this kind it is considered safe to mount him with a bridle furnished with a curb bit. Up to this time the horse has never felt a curb. The light snake is still retained, and the curb bridle is only given a gentle pressure at first, just enough to let him know that it is there. Gradually the strength of the pull is increased, and with this safeguard the horse is taught to stand fire from his rider's pistol or carbine. In carbine practice the horse must be thoroughly broken, as both hands are required in using this weapon, whereas with the pistol the rider may retain the bridle with one hand. Then comes saber practice, and that is another trial to the horse. Again is he thrown to the ground, and he probably can't understand why he should have to suffer this indignity all over again, for he has learned that lesson very well. But when the bright blade of the saber, with quick thrusts flashing before his eyes and cutting the air in close proximity to his ears, appears to him he is again terror stricken. But the lesson he has learned from the smell of gunpowder stands him in good stead, and he soon gets over his fear. And even with a man on his back and another mounted upon a seasoned horse coming at him with saber raised in the air or slashing left and right he knows that it is all a part of his education and something to be expected. So he stands his ground or cavorts about the other horse while the two troopers indulge in their saber practice—New York World. Sabbath Worship of the Shakers. "Sabbath worship is usually conducted at the public church, where visitors from the world are free to attend," writes Madeline S. Bridges of the Shakers of Mount Lebanon, N. Y., in The Ladies' Home Journal. "Four sisters and four brethren stand in the center of the room and form a double quartet. The Shaker dance, so miscalled, is in reality a more or less stately march, in which all the members join—the brethren in a procession, two by two, followed by the sisterhood in like order. FACTS ABOUT ANALYSIS Sketch of the industries and resources Most Beautiful Part of California. The City of Anaheim, withulation of 2500, is situated northern part of Orange county Southern California, 12 miles from the ocean, 44 miles from hills, and 148 feet above sea level. It is 27 miles from Los Angeles second largest city in the California. The climatic conditions most favorable for outdoor be found in Southern California. The temperature is extreme form, seldom rising above greens in summer, or falling degrees in winter. The air of sunlight and the absence frosts and cold winds make it a very easy work; thus lending itself to the cultivation of berries,anges, etc. The variety of products possibility of procuring small land at low figures,and terms,make our section county very attractive and geous for truck raising,or ing on a small scale.The are a few of the products lemons walnuts grapes apricots sugar beets,bay vegetables of all kinds. Anaheim is the possessed Building and Loan Water company,two railroad cannery and drier large oil ostrich farm,bank several commercial houses,two two newspapers.The city its water and lighting plan. Thought Him One of the Queer Ones. Mr. Quiller-Couch tells this story in the Pall Mall Magazine: "Hicks, governor of the Cornwall County Lunatic asylum, had a great many friends—extremal friends, I mean—and among them an accomplished landscape painter. This artist, captivated by the beauty of the little seaport town of East Looe, took lodgings there, chose his 'subject' and started to make some drawings of it on the rocks at low tide. "A few days later Hicks drove over to see him, and arrived at West Looe to be taken across the harbor in a boat. To his surprise, he found a boat waiting for him. Still more to his surprise, the boatman hailed him thus: 'Aw, Mr. Hicks, I've a-been looking out for 'ee the last day or two. I know you'd come. He's over here now. He's been hollering and screeching. He sits at low water down among the weed, a-painting at a bit of board, and he calls out, "Come into the garden, Mand." A pretty garden he've got there! "I'm here by the gate alone." Not a gate within a mile of 'un! You can take 'un; he's quiet." Presence of Mind. Although it is not given to everybody to know exactly what to do at the right moment, one woman at least can lay claim to a presence of mind which may, without undue exaggeration, be considered phenomenal. This woman's little boy was alling from some trivial childish complaint and the doctor ordered him some medicine. He had just taken his daily dose when his mother said, with some excitement: "I quite forgot to shake that bottle after glen ye't, Johnnie. Come here." Johnnie obeyed, and much to his astonishment and disgust, was subjected to a vigorous shaking from the strong arms of the parent, at the conclusion of which he was laid down with the remark: "There, my laddle, that'll dae. It should be gey weel mixed up noo, I'm thinkin, but don't let me forget again." Johnnie promised. — Pearson's Weekly. Information From a Boatwain's Mate. An American vessel lying at Naples was visited by the king and his suit. One of the latter, with cocked hat, mustache, sword, etc., was exploring the ship and mistook the main hatch wind sail for a mast and leaned against it. The officer of the deck was promptly advised of the accident by the boatwain's mate, who said: "Exouse me, sir, but I think one of them 'ere kings has fell down the main hatch, sir.'" — "On a Man-of-War." Seaweed. The longest plants in the world are seaweed. One tropical and subtropical variety is known which, when it reaches its full development, is at least 600 feet in length. Seaweeds do not receive any nourishment from the sediment at the bottom or borders of the sea, but only from air and mineral matters held in solution in the sea water. Rates to Oceanside and Coronado Until September 10, 1903, the Santa Fe will sell excursion tickets to Ocean Beaches as follows: Sabbath Worship of the Shakers. "Sabbath worship is usually conducted at the rabbit church, where visitors from the world are free to attend," writes Madeline S. Bridges of the Shakers of Mount Lebanon, N. Y., in The Ladies' Home Journal. "Four sisters and four brothren stand in the center of the room and form a double quartet. The Shaker dance, so miscalled, is in reality a more or less stately march, in which all the members join—the brethren in a procession, two by two, followed by the sisterhood in like order. They move in step to the hymns they are singing, either slowly or quickly, as the measure of the time demands. The ritual is of the simplest—testimony of faith fervently uttered by those who feel impelled to speak, a few earnest words of exhortation from the elders. The march and the singing of hymns. "Something curious in regard to these Shaker hymns is the fact that they are claimed to be largely inspirational—the music and words come together 'at gifts,' and frequently to those who are not musical. For instance, very often a tap will sound on the door of a musical sister and an unmusical sister will enter with the announcement 'Sister,' a song has just come to me. Can you take the words and note it for me?" Irish Relations. A curious peculiarity of the Irish nature is 'the wide limits to which relationship is extended.' "Do you know Pat Meehan?" a peasant was asked "Of course I do," was the answer. Why, he's a near relative of mine. He wance proposed for my sisher Kate. When faction fighting was rife in Ireland, it was a man's interest to "in-rasse his followin'" by extending the number of his relatives by every possible device. Happily faction fighting is lead in Ireland, and a man has no need now to have behind him a long line not if "ancestors," as Sir Boyle Roche would say, but of "relations," as was imperatively necessary when the 'bhoys' were accustomed to "hould dishcussion with sticks" at every fair. It is after he is dead that his relatives 'come in handy' to the Irishman. They give him a "grand buryin'." Well, Mary," said a friend of mine—a domestic who had been attending a buryin', "had Mat Maloney a good meralall?" "Oh, he had a grate war," said Mary. "An why wouldn't he? Wasn't he related to the whole barony? Faith, it reminded me of land lague meetin.'" — Letter in Leon Spectator An Unblessed Charge. A group of lawyers were telling stories in the corridors of the city hall another day, when one related a tale of justice of the peace in one of the southern states where the narrator lived in his earlier days. A case was being tried before a jury in the justice's court, there being a large number of witnesses on both sides. The lawyers contended fiercely and the trial dragged on until he taking evidence and the arguments before the jury had been concluded. "Well, gentlemen, are you through?" asked the justice, addressing himself to the lawyers. Upon their reply in the affirmative he then addressed himself to the jury. FACTS ABOUT ORANGE The census bureau has bulletin on agriculture in which we quote from extant another part of this issue the interesting features of it is the paragraph giving thirteen farms and acres of farmland in the five Southern Californias. The pre-eminence of county is apparent: Counties. Los Angeles Orange Riverside San Bernardino San Diego The area of Orange county square miles; that of Los 3880; that of Riverside, 701 San Bernardino, 20055, and San Diego, 8400 square miles. Orange county thus covers fifth the area of Los An its irrigated lands approach to one-half those of its north. Riverside embraces ninety area, yet it irrigates 9000 m² or fourth more than the county on the east. San Bernardino is 25 times yet its irrigated acres exceed this jumbo county by nine approximately ten per cent. San Diego is eleven times yet it irrigates 25,000 acres the county on the southcentral is the former's irrigations as compared with that of almost the irrigated areas Diego and Riverside combo. Orange county possesses system of irrigation,the new water rights that exist in California. That is what said many a time and o figures prove it. It is the east and most productive cities outdoors and is settlin than any other in the Sta Seaweed. The longest plants in the world are seaweed. One tropical and subtropical variety is known which, when it reaches its full development, is at least 600 feet in length. Seaweeds do not receive any nourishment from the sediment at the bottom or borders of the sea, but only from air and mineral matters held in solution in the sea water. Rates to Oceanside and Coronado Until September 10, 1903, the Santa Fe will sell excursion tickets to Ocean Beaches as follows: To Oceanside and return, with final limit 30 days from date of sale; rate $2.25. To Coronado and return, with final limit to September 30, 1903; rate $3.50. Special excursions to San Diego July 3d and 4th, July 31st and August lst. August 28th and 29th; rate of fare $3.00 for round trip. Final return limit 30 days from date of sale. For full particulars call on Santa Fe agent at Anaheim. BIG IRRIGATION PROJECT. The Interior Department has withdrawn from all forms of settlement except homestead entry, 127 townships in the Walla Walla, Waterville and Yakima land districts in Washington state, under the reclamation act. This withdrawal, involving almost 8,000,000 acres, the largest withdrawal in the recollection of officers at Washington, is for irrigation purposes in what is known as the Big Bend project. A Bad Stomach Lessons the usefulness and mars the happiness of life. It's a weak stomach, a stomach that can not properly perform its functions. Among its symptoms are distress after eating, nausea between meals, heartburn, belching, vomiting, flatulence and nervous headache. Hood's Sarsaparilla Cures a bad stomach, indigestion and dyspepsia, and the cure is permanent. Accept no substitute; PUGET SOUND-ALASKA CABLE. The first installment of the submarine cable to connect Puget Sound and Alaska will be shipped from New York July 21 by the steamship Texas, the shipment consisting of 580 miles of cable. About the first of August 700 miles more will be shipped by steamer from New York. 4th of July Excursions The Santa Fe will sell excursion tickets July 3d and 4th, good to return July 7th, to all points at very low rates. For full information call on Santa Fe agent at Anaheim. FACTS ABOUT ANAHEIM. The City of Anaheim, with a population of 2500, is situated in the northern part of Orange county, in Southern California, 12 miles from the ocean, 4½ miles from the foot-lands, and 148¼ feet above sea level. It is 27 miles from Los Angeles, the second largest city in the State of California. The climatic conditions are the most favorable for out-door life to be found in Southern California. The temperature is extremely uniform, seldom rising above 90 degrees in summer, or falling below 32 degrees in winter. The abundance of sunlight and the absence of sharp frosts and cold winds make it a place especially acceptable to those desiring to escape the severe climate of the east. The country is very attractive. It is practically level, with just sufficient slope from the hills to afford adequate drainage. The roads are level, well graded, and well kept, affording excellent opportunities for cycling and driving. The soil is a rich sandy loam which never bakes, making it a very easy ground to work; thus lending itself readily to the cultivation of berries, nuts, oranges, etc. The variety of products, and the possibility of procuring small tracts of land at low figures, and on easy terms, make our section of the county very attractive and advantageous for truck raising, or for farming on a small scale. The following are a few of the products: oranges, lemons, walnuts, grapes, peaches, apricots, sugar beets, berries and vegetables of all kinds. Anaheim is the possessor of a Building and Loan Association, Water company, two railroads, fruit cannery and drier, large oil industry, ostrich farm, bank, several adequate commercial houses, two hotels and two newspapers. The city also owns its water and lighting plant. ADVERTISING THAT DOES NOT PAY. What would we say of the manufacturer who built a fire under his boiler, then went off and allowed the fire to die out, expecting his mill to run all day on that one fire. And yet there are advertisers who make "one-time" splurges or take "trial ads" and then, because business does not keep them up nights, say "advertising doesn't pay." How about the farmer who plants corn and then sits down to wait for the crop? He would be expected to say "that farming doesn't pay." And yet there are advertisers who plant the seed of an ad and think their work is done. To such people advertising does not pay, and never will, and money spent in such advertising would better be deposited in the poor box at the church. Advertising is the fire under the business boiler, which must be tended and kept hot to produce the results sought. It is the seed planted which, properly nurtured and tended, will spring up and bear fruit, "some 20, some 30 and some 100-fold." No Pity Shown "For years fate was after me continuously" writes F. A. Gulledge, Verbena, Ala. "I had a terrible case of piles causing 24 tumors. When all failed Bucklen's Arnica Salve cured me. Equally good for burns and all aches and pains. Only 25c at J. P. Hatzfeld's drug store. AN IDLE MATCH A man was traveling not long ago in the compartment of a London train. At one of the stations a German entered the carriage and took the seat opposite the Englishman. When the train had started the German, seeing the other's cigar, boldly asked for one. Although astonished at the request, the Englishman nevertheless pulled out his case and handed it to the stranger. The German lighted the cigar, took a few puffs and beaming affably through his spectacles said: "I would not half droubled you, but I had a match in mine boggit, und I did not know what to do mit him." Working Night and Day The busiest and mightiest little thing that ever was made is Dr. King's New Life Pills. These pills change weakness into strength, listlessness into energy, brain-fag into mental power. They're wonderful in building up the health. Only 25c per box. Sold by J. P. Hatzfeld. Guatemala. Guatemala might easily sustain ten times its present population. The soil is rich and easily cultivated, and unlike the other Central American republics, there is plenty of labor. Some parts of the country are quite thickly populated, but the others are covered with dense forests and a variety of timber, which might be easily made marketable if means of transportation were provided. But, although Guatemala is much further advanced than the rest of Central America, her railway system does not exceed 250 miles; there is no internal navigation, and the wagon roads are in a deplorable condition. The mineral wealth of the country is supposed to be large, but it is only slightly developed. The mines are inaccessible, and in the absence of modern machinery, which at present cannot be conveyed to them, cannot be worked with profit. The government offers generous inducements to immigrants. The land laws are liberal, and efforts have been made from time to time to secure the establishment of colonies and the preemption of public lands by private settlers. But all the accessible area is at present occupied, and no foreigner can expect to prosper in Guatemala unless he has abundant capital which will enable him to purchase at high prices plantations already developed—Forum. His Own Composition. A recent article in Le Figaro of Paris is devoted to the American colony in that city. It says that the colony has always played the important and brilliant role in society chiefly because most of the Americans were "Americans." "It is certain," continues Le Figaro, "'that out of ten 'Americaines' residing in Paris there is but one American.' Affairs—'business,' as they say over there—absorbs the sterner sex in the United States. In that country the men have neither the inclination nor the opportunity for much leisure, and only pay us very short visits. "While their wives install themselves here the 'good' husband only makes flying visits and is very seldom referred to in the elegant salons of the wives." The writer continues: "I was at an official ball not long ago, where one of them was the hero of a curious 'histoire.' He wore on the lapel of his coat a brilliant star, which struck me as original and somewhat curious in form. Although very artistic, the order was unknown to me. Some indiscreet person interrogated the Yankee as to what order it was. The Yankee replied in a phlegmatic tone, 'It is my own composition.'" Superstitious Bonapartees. The Bonapartes always were superstitions, especially the mother of Napoleon. She always had a presentiment say, but there is a heart which a person who As gauge his good health for any reason he or she her normal weight theres out for trouble. In Gripppe, typhoid, or con entrance to the body field and develop immei only compare this sud disgrace by this FACTS ABOUT ORANGE CO. The census bureau has issued a bulletin on agriculture in California which we quote from extensively in another part of this issue. One of the interesting features of the report is the paragraph giving the number of farms and acres of farming lands in the five Southern California counties. The pre-eminence of Orange county is apparent: Counties. No. farms. Acres. Los Angeles. 3957. 8968 Orange. 2288. 5994 Riverside. 2340. 427,097 San Bernardino. 2350. 219,182 San Diego. 2698. 809,419 But it is in the acreage of irrigated lands that Orange county takes easy precedence over the other counties of Southern California: Counties. Acres. Los Angeles. 88,644 Orange. 11,548 Riverside. 32,947 San Bernardino. 37,877 San Diego. 16,022 The area of Orange county is 780 square miles; that of Los Angeles, 3880; that of Riverside, 7008; that of San Bernardino, 20,055; and that of San Diego, 8400 square miles. Orange county thus contains one-fifth the area of Los Angeles; yet its irrigated lands approach in area to one-half those of its neighbor to the north. Riverside embraces nine times its area, yet it irrigates 9000 more acres, or a fourth more than the belauded county on the east. San Bernardino is 25 times its size, yet its irrigated acres exceed those of this jumbo county by nearly 4000, approximately ten per cent. San Diego is eleven times its size, yet it irrigates 25,000 acres more than the county on the south—300 per cent is the former's irrigated area as compared with that of the latter—almost the irrigated area of San Diego and Riverside combined. Orange county possesses the finest system of irrigation, the most secure water rights, that exist in Southern California. That is what we have said many a time and oft. These figures prove it. It is the handsomest and most productive county that lies outdoors and is settling up faster than any other in the State. STORY OF A HAT. Revealing the Secret of Its Two Troubles Around a Table. A number of literary men were at once gathered in a well known chap house in New York. The conversation was of course brilliant, and the repartee sparkled with mirth and wit. During a hall the door slowly opened. The German lighted the cigar, took a few puffs and beaming affably through his spectacles said: "I would not half droubled you, but I had a match in mine bogglit, und I did not know what to do mit him." Working Night and Day The busiest and mightiest little thing that ever was made is Dr. King's New Life Pills. These pills change weakness into strength, listlessness into energy, brain-fag into mental power. They're wonderful in building up the health. Only 25c per box. Sold by J. P. Hatzfeld. DARKTOWN PHILOSOPHY If we could go back an' lib our lives ober again none of us would make de mistakes we hev. We'd simply make others just as bad. Fact is, nature calkerlated on a man pickin' up a bumblebee by de' wrong eand now'an' den. Cures Sciatica Rev. W. L. Riley, L. L.D., Cuba, N.Y., writes: "After fifteen days of excruciating pain from sciatic rheumatism, under various treatments, I was induced to try Ballard's Snow liniment, the first application giving my first relief, and the second, entire relief. I can give it unqualified recommendations. 25c, 50c and $1 at J. P. Hatzfeld's." THE BREEZES SLIP I know I'm bald, but after all That isn't bad, when all is said; I do not have to muss my hair To let the breezes hit my head. Repulsive Features Blackheads, pimples, greasy faces and muddy complexions, which are so common among women, especially girls at a certain age, destroying beauty, disfiguring and making repulsive features which would otherwise appear attractive and refined, indicate that the liver is out of order. An occasional dose of Herbine will cleanse the bowels; regulate the liver and establish a clear, healthy complexion. 50c at J. P. Hatzfeld's. Citizen—See here! Why didn't you publish an account of my daughter's weddin' to that duke yesterday? Editor—We intended to, but at the very last moment it was crowded out by a greater-er-catastrophe. Night Was Her Terror. "I would cough nearly all night long," writes Mrs. Chas. Applegate of Alexandria, Ind., "and could hardly get any sleep. I had consumption so bad that if I walked a block I would frightfully and split blood, but when all other medicines failed, three $1 bottles of Dr. King's New Discovery wholly cured me and I gained 58 pounds." It's absolutely guaranteed to cure coughs, colds, la gripe, bronchitis and all throat and lung troubles. Price 50c and $1.00. Trial bottles free at J. P. Hatzfeld's. STORY OF A HAT. Revealing the Secret of Its Two Troubles Around a Table. A number of literary men were at once gathered in a well known chap house in New York. The conversation was of course brilliant, and the repartee sparkled with mirth and wit. During a hall the door slowly opened. The German lighted the cigar, took a few puffs and beaming affably through his spectacles said: "I would not half droubled you, but I had a match in mine bogglit, und I did not know what to do mit him." Working Night and Day The busiest and mightiest little thing that ever was made is Dr. King's New Life Pills. These pills change weakness into strength, listlessness into energy, brain-fag into mental power. They're wonderful in building up the health. Only 25c per box. Sold by J. P. Hatzfeld. DARKTOWN PHILOSOPHY If we could go back an' lib our lives ober again none of us would make de mistakes we hev. We'd simply make others just as bad. Fact is, nature calkerlated on a man pickin' up a bumblebee by de' wrong eand now'an' den. Cures Sciatica Rev. W. L. Riley, L. L.D., Cuba, N.Y., writes: "After fifteen days of excruciating pain from sciatic rheumatism, under various treatments, I was induced to try Ballard's Snow liniment, the first application giving my first relief, and the second, entire relief. I can give it unqualified recommendations." 25c, 50c and $1 at J. P. Hatzfeld's. THE BREEZES SLIP I know I'm bald, but after all That isn't bad, when all is said; I do not have to muss my hair To let the breezes hit my head. Repulsive Features Blackheads, pimples, greasy faces and muddy complexions, which are so common among women, especially girls at a certain age, destroying beauty, disfiguring and making repulsive features which would otherwise appear attractive and refined, indicate that the liver is out of order. An occasional dose of Herbine will cleanse the bowels; regulate the liver and establish a clear, healthy complexion. 50c at J.P.Hatzfeld's. Citizen—See here! Why didn't you publish an account of my daughter's weddin' to that duke yesterday? Editor—We intended to, but at the very last moment it was crowded out by a greater-er-catastrophe. Night Was Her Terror. "I would cough nearly all night long," writes Mrs. Chas. Applegate of Alexandria, Ind., "and could hardly get any sleep. I had consumption so bad that if I walked a block I would cough frightfully and split blood, but when all other medicines failed, three $1 bottles of Dr.King's New Discovery wholly cured me and I gained 58 pounds." It's absolutely guaranteed to cure coughs, colds, la gripe, bronchitis and all throat and lung troubles. Price 50c and $1.00. Trial bottles free at J.P.Hatzfeld's. STORY OF A HAT. Revealing the Secret of Its Two Troubles Around a Table. A number of literary men were at once gathered in a well known chap house in New York. The conversation was of course brilliant, and the repartee sparkled with mirth and wit. During a hall the door slowly opened. The German lighted the cigar, took a few puffs and beaming affably through his spectacles said: "I would not half droubled you, but I had a match in mine bogglit, und I did not know what to do mit him." Working Night and Day The busiest and mightiest little thing that ever was made is Dr. King's New Life Pills. These pills change weakness into strength, listlessness into energy, brain-fag into mental power. They're wonderful in building up the health. Only 25c per box. Sold by J.P.Hatzfeld. DARKTOWN PHILOSOPHY If we could go back an' lib our lives ober again none of us would make de mistakes we hev. We'd simply make others just as bad. Fact is, nature calkerlated on a man pickin' up a bumblebee by de' wrong eand now'an' den. Cures Sciatica Rev.W.L.Riley,L.D.Cuba,N.Y.,writes: "After fifteen days of excruciating pain from sciatic rheumatism, under various treatments, I was induced to try Ballard's Snow liniment,the first application giving my first relief,and the second,intent relieft.I can give it unqualified recommendations." 25c，50c和$1 atJ.P.Hatzfeld's. Nose.Y.,writes: "An unlucky day,and it is related of him that before every important battle he would throw dice to ascertain if he were to lose or win.The "red men whom he always saw going to battle with him was a delusion that caused him much suffering.-Toronto Saturday Night. Nose.I always feared Dec.'2 as an unlucky day,and it is related of him that before every important battle he would throw dice to ascertain if he were to lose or win.The "red men whom he always saw going to battle with him was a delusion that caused him much suffering.-Toronto Saturday Night. The Boss Worm Medicine H.P.Humpe,druggist,Lleighton,Ala.,writes: "One of my customers had a child which was sick and threw up all food,could retain nothing on its stomach.He bought one bottle of White'S Cream Vermilge and it brought up 119 worms from the child.it's boss worm medicine in the world."White'S Cream Vermilge is also the children's tonic.I improves their digestion and assimilation of food，strengthens their nervous system and restores them to the health,vigor and elasticity of spirits natural to childhood.$25c at J.P.Hatzfeld's. Little Willie—Say,pa，what is a contingent fee? Pa-A contingent fee,my son，is a lawyer's conditional fee.I If he brings a suit for a client,and loses,hes gets nothing;if he wins the client gets nothing. The Perfect Liver Medicine Mrs.M.A.Jolly,Noble.O.T.,writes: "I have used Herbine for a number of years and can cheerfully recommend it as the most perfect liver medicine,and the greatest blood purifier.I ita medicine of positive merit and fully accomplishes all that is claimed for it."Malaria cannot find a lodgment in the system while the liver is in perfect order;for one of its functions is to prevent the absorption of fever producing poisons.Herbine is a most efficient liver regulator.$50c at J.P.Hatzfeld's. Only a silver watch,"said the pawn-broker.“The last time I ad vanced you money on your watch it had a solid gold case.” "Yes," replied Hardup,"but-er-circumstances alter cases,you know.” TALKING TO OUR Soliloquies Are Rare Fear They Mean Talking to oneself has advantage over any other tory or gossip; One is sympathetic audience.In this peculiar drawback;to be one of the early syllabus.Wrongly so people doctor might rule the diagnosis.Nevertheless belief is firmly rooted,fear of this belief doubles talk to ourselves by hardening disease germs by the fertile field which lays away. TALKING TO OUR Soliloquies Are Rare Fear They Mean Talking to oneself has advantage over any other tory or gossip; One is sympathetic audience.In this peculiar drawback;to be one of the early syllabus.Wrongly so people doctor might rule the diagnosis.Nevertheless belief is firmly rooted,fear of this belief doubles talk to oneself by hardening disease germs by the fertile field which lays away. Jack Plunger—I'll be able ask you to marry say no. Miss Winner—I'll take Mrs. Laura S. Webb, Vice-President Woman's Democratic Clubs of Northern Ohio. "I dreaded the change of life which was fast approaching. I noticed Wine of Cardul, and decided to try a bottle. I experienced some relief the first month, so I kept on taking it for three months and now I menstruate with no pain and I shall take it off and on now until I have passed the climax." Female weakness, disordered menses, falling of the womb and ovarian troubles do not wear off. They follow a woman to the change of life. Do not wait but take Wine of Cardui now and avoid the trouble. Wine of Cardui never fails to benefit a suffering woman of any age. Wine of Cardui relieved Mrs. Webb when she was in danger. When you come to the change of life Mrs. Webb's letter will mean more to you than it does now. But you may not avoid the suffering she endured. Druggists sell $1 bottles of Wine of Cardui. WINE OF CARDUI STORY OF A HAT. Revealing the Secret of Its Two Trials Around a Table. A number of literary men were at on-time gathered in a well known chap house in New York. The conversation was of course brilliant, and the repartee sparkled with mirth and wit. During a lull in the talk the door slowly opened and an old southern darky, grizzled with age, poked his head in and then slowly drew his body in after him. A waiter started to eject him, when one of the gentlemen cried: "Wait a moment. Let's see what the old boy wants." The darky bobbed up to the table where this gentleman sat and held out his hat. Throwing a wink to his neighbors, the gentleman took the hat and, making a show of placing something into it, passed it on to the next man, who did likewise. The hat made a tour of the room, to the puzzled wonder of the darky. The last to receive it solemnly handed it back with a polite bow, saying: "There, sir, don't you think you have something to be thankful for?" The old darky looked solemnly around the company and, mechanically taking the hat, he said: "Gen'men, Ize indeed glad dat I got eben de hat back!" The reply was so thoroughly enjoyed by the company that the darky left the place a much richer man than when he had entered it—Kansas City World. Mrs. Chic—Your sister is not going with you to Bar Harbor? Miss Au Fait—No Papa said he couldn't afford to marry off both of us this year. "Why, papa, I know he can support me—he told me that he had just made a fortune in Wall street." "But, my dear girl, don't you know that he has made a date to play bridge with your mother?" LIVING FROM HAND TO MOUTH. It Means Starvation for Some. An eminent physician of this city recently said: "Very thin people live from hand to mouth, and have little reserve for emergencies." Of course we know of persons whose nature it is to be thin—"born that way," some unfortunate wind carries the seeds of some wild and worthless plant there and they quickly root and flourish. Almost any grave change in health is at once betrayed by the loss of flesh, which shows most often in the face. This condition almost always co-exists with impoverished blood. A gain of flesh up to a certain point means a rise in other essentials of health; the red corpuscles of the blood are increased, and the color improved. When persons find themselves losing weight they should heed the warning, and use the proper means in time before disease fastens on them. A tonic alterative is needed to digest and assimilate the food. Cod-Liver Oil was the old fashioned remedy for a run-down system, or a chronic wasting disease. The digestion of the oil is a task for the healthiest stomach, and sensitive stomachs rebel against it. A great improvement in the means employed for the benefit and cure of such cases is Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, which maintains the nutrition of the body by enabling the person to eat, retain, digest and assimilate food. It overcomes indigestion if present, soothes the cough, and, by its alternative properties, cleanses the blood. All the organs therefore are fed on pure, rich blood; and the person using the "Golden Medical Discovery" gains in flesh and strength. Fever, night-sweats, headache, are dispelled. It is just the remedy for the Consumptive, for the victim of Catarrh of the Lungs, or the sufferer from Bronchitis. A LIFE SAVER. For over a third of a century Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery has been in common use in this country, been taken by thousands of people and has cured thousands as our file of testimonials will prove—yet no one ever heard of its harming a single person. That is because it is made of purely vegetable ingredients—is scientifically prepared in the Medical Laboratory of the World's Dispensary, at Buffalo, N.Y., under the supervision of Dr. $3,000 FORFEIT will be cheerfully paid in lawful money of the United States, by the undersigned, proprietors of Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, if they cannot show the original letters and signatures of every testimonial among the thousands which they are constantly publishing attesting the superior curative properties of their several medicines, and thus proving the genuineness and reliability of all the multitude of testimonials volunteered by grateful people, in their behalf. Mr. Roy A. Reed, of Casper, Wyoming, writes: "For eight years I had catarrh of the throat in the very worst form; could hardly speak above a whisper for two years. Tried nearly a dozen patent medicines without relief. I was so discouraged that I just about decided catarrh could not be cured with any medicine. My father, however, advised me to try Dr. Pierce's medicines before giving up. I followed his advice and commenced using the medicine on the twentieth of December. I was surprised to note the result of the first month's treatment. After using six bottles of Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, I was perfectly cured. It has been months since I took the last medicine, and I have not had the least return of my trouble. I have felt beetter during the past two months than for seven winters previous to this time." Mrs. Lydia James, of Ogdenburg, Wis., writes: "In regard to your medicine will say that the 'Golden Medical Discovery' is a God-send to suffering women. I was sick in bed with liver complaint and kidney disease and fever when I began to take Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery. In ten days' time I was so I could begin to get around the house, and gained right along. After that, took about five bottles of it and am sure I would have been in my grave by this time had it not been for this remedy. I would advise all suffering women to use Dr. Pierce's medicines." Mrs. Robt. Lambden, of Havana, N.D., Box 91, writes: "No one can tell how much I suffered with my leg. It was so bad for a year I could hardly walk around to do my work, and at times couldn't even bear the weight of a sheet over me at night, but your medicines cured me. My leg is quite well again. After I had taken two bottles of Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, I began to feel very different and kept getting better. Took nine bottles of 'Golden Medical Discovery,' also used Dr. Pierce's All-Healing Salve, and now my leg is as well as it ever was. Am willing every one should know what good your medicines have done, and would advise any one suffering as I did to try the same treatment. I think and feel sure it will help them." THE REASON—There is no medicine equal to Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, for purifying the blood. It carries off the poisons which contaminate the life fluid. It increases the activity of the blood-making glands and gives the body an increased supply of pure, body-building blood. It builds up the body with sound, healthy flesh in stead of flabby fat, promotes the appearance, feeds the nerves, and so gives weak, nervous people vitality and vigor. There is no alcohol contained "Golden Medical Discovery," and it absolutely free from opium, cocaine all other narcotics. World's Dispensary Med. say, but there is a healthy standard by which a person who knows himself can gauge his good health or poor health. If for any reason he or she is below his or her normal weight, then it is wise to look out for trouble. In case the germs of grippe, typhoid, or consumption gain an entrance to the body they find a fertile field and develop immediately. We can only compare this sudden taking on of disease germs by the thin body, to the fertile field which lays fallow until an A LIFE SAVER. For over a third of a century Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery has been in common use in this country, been taken by thousands of people and has cured thousands as our life of testimonials will prove—yet no one ever heard of its harming a single person. That is because it is made of purely vegetable ingredients—is scientifically prepared in the Medical Laboratory of the World's Dispensary, at Buffalo, N.Y., under the supervision of Dr. R. V. Pierce. THE REASON. There is no medicine equal to Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, for purifying the blood. It carries off the poisons which contaminate the life fluid. It increases the activity of the blood-making glands and gives the body an increased supply of pure, body-building blood. It builds up the body with sound, healthy flesh in stead of flabby fat, promotes the appeite, feeds the nerves, and so gives weak, nervous people vitality and vigor. There is no alcohol contained "Golden Medical Discovery," and it absolutely free from opium, cocaine all other narcotics. World's Dispensary Med. 663 Main St. TALKING TO ONESELF. Soliloquies Are Rare Because We Fear They Mean Madness. Talking to oneself has this obvious advantage over any other form of oratory or gossip: One is assured of a sympathetic audience. But it has also this peculiar drawback: It is supposed to be one of the early symptoms of insanity. Wrongly so perhaps. A mad doctor might rule the habit out of his diagnosis. Nevertheless the popular belief is firmly rooted, and it is for fear of this belief doubtless that we talk ourselves even as we dress our hair with straws so rarely. It may be said that we never do address ourselves at any length except in the delirium of a fever. In moments of ordinary excitement of course we utter to the wind some sort of appropriate ejaculation. Delight wrings from us a cry of "Hurrah!" or "Thank heaven!" even though there be none by to echo us. Similarly in any disguet we emit one of those sounds whose rather poor equivalents in print are "Tigh!" and "Faugh!" and "Tut!". Much further than this we do not go. "Why, what an ass am I!" cries Hamlet in one of his soliloquies. Omitting the first word and transposing the last two, the ordinary modern man does often soliloquize to that extent. But he could no more soliloquize to Hamlet's extent than he could speak in decasyllables. Nor is there any reason to suppose that that class of the community with which, contemptuous of his own fluency, Hamlet compared himself is or ever was more prone to soliloquize than any other. In the matter of soliloquies we cannot accept Hamlet as an unbiased authority. We merely find in him the possible origin of the belief that talking to oneself is a bad sign—Saturday Review. Brutally Tortured A case came to light that for persistant and unmerciful torture has perhaps never been equaled. Joe Goloblick of Colusa, Cal., writes, "For 15 years I endured insufferable pain from rheumatism and nothing relieved me through I tried everything known. I came across Electric Bitters and it's the greatest medicine on earth for that trouble. A few bottles of it completely relieved and cured me." Just as good for liver and kidney troubles and general debility. Only 55c. Satisfaction guaranteed by J. P. Hatzfeld, druggist. Jack Plunger—I'll bet 50 to 1 that if I should ask you to marry me you would say no. Miss Winner—I'll take you. Anaheim Bakery, PETER SYRE, PROPRIETOR. FRESH BREAD CAKES & PIES CONFECTIONERY, ETC. Wedding Cakes a Specialty. Los Angeles and California Fine Wines, Liquors and Cigars THE PEERLESS A. FUHRBERG, Proprietor Los Angeles Beer on Tap ANAHEIM THE GAZETTE JOB - OFFICE Is fitted to do all kinds of Commercial Printing From a Card to a Book or a Transcript, Etc., Etc, Jack Plunger—I'll bet 50 to 1 that if I should ask you to marry me you would say no. Miss Winner—I'll take you. Nasal CATARRH In all its stages. Ely's Cream Balm cleanses, soothes and heals the diseased membrane. It cures catarrh and drives away a cold in the head quickly. Cream Balm is placed into the nostrils, spreads over the membrane and is absorbed. Relief is immediate and a cure follows. It is not drying—does not produce sneezing. Large Size, 50 cents at Drug-gists or by mail; Trial Size, 10 cents. ELY BROTHERS, 56 Warren Street, New York The Whole Story in one letter about Pain-Killer (PERRY DAVIS') From Capt. F. Loye, Police Station No. 5, Montreal:—"We frequently use Perry Davis' Pain-Killer for pain in the stomach, rheumatism, stiffness, frost bites, chill-blains, cramps, and all afflictions which befall men in our position. I have no hesitation in saying that Pain-Killer is the best remedy to have near at hand." Used Internally and Externally. Two Sizes, 50c. and 80c. bottles. 1902 Improvements. THE SANDERS-ARNOTT DISC PLOW. The solid cast frame now being used on the Sanders-Arnott Disc Plow is the most valuable feature added to the Disc Plow since they were placed on sale. See them before buying. No more spring beams out of line or bolts sheared off. We have a new pattern four gang plow for the largest runches. Any disc plow without the solid cast frame is old style. Do not be misled into buying one. Made in one, two, three and four gang patterns. The most successful disc plow in the market. Draft reduced 50 per cent. Send for circulars. We have a liberal proposition to offer any rancher who wishes to investigate the merits of this plow. Write for it ARNOTT & COMPANY Wagons, Carriages and Farm Machinery. 120, 122, 124 Los Angeles Street Los Angeles, Cal.