anaheim-daily-herald 1921-11-04

HERALD EDITORIALS FUTURE COMMERICAL GREATNESS Governor Hart of Washington said in a recent interview: "Los Angeles, San Francisco and Seattle will some day be rated in commercial importance with New York, Boston and Philadelphia." Perhaps the people of the east would smile superior at these words. Nevertheless the statement of the governor is wholly reasonable. Americans now living may see them verified. The more distant future is almost certain to witness the verification. Conditions tend to accelerate the westward movement; and on this coast the east and west must meet. Each of the three cities named has an excellent harbor. That of Los Angeles, created artificially in large part, may in the end equal the best. The harbor of San Francisco, nature's generous gift, is one of the finest in the world. That of Seattle has depth and area and shelter. Portland is not in the list because of lack of nearness to the ocean. Harbors alone do not make cities, but they are of vast importance. Behind all growth there must be material resource. In this the territory tributary to the Pacific coast is abundantly blessed. California, and particularly the southern end of it, has water power almost beyond estimate, capable of being developed cheaply. Therefore it is becoming recognized as elsewhere unequaled for manufacturing purposes. It may seem trite, and yet it is a circumstance worth mentioning again, that this region has a climate that must be reckoned as a valuable part of its assets. Tourists come for the charms of the region, and find them. But In this the territory tributary to the Pacific coast is abundantly blessed. California, and particularly the southern end of it, has water power almost beyond estimate, capable of being developed cheaply. Therefore it is becoming recognized as elsewhere unequaled for manufacturing purposes. It may seem trite, and yet it is a circumstance worth mentioning again, that this region has a climate that must be reckoned as a valuable part of its assets. Tourists come for the charms of the region, and find them. But they observe here great opportunity for investment and they elect to remain. "An outbreak of war in Central Europe at the present moment would be unfortunate" ventures an able and sometimes almost over-cautious editor. He is right. The outbreak he mentions could not even by the most optimistic be regarded as a happy incident. The explanation of the man detected in carrying munitions of war in the direction of Mexico, is that he intended to stage a battle out in the desert. The idea was some movie picture producer sooner or later would require a battle scene. Evidently a poor excuse is better than none, for he was permitted to get away with this one. Los Angeles started out to add 1000 men to its police force. The number was cut to 500, then 250. After this it seemed likely to reach the vanishing point. Some of the councilmen apparently are trying to figure out how to appoint less than none. Now they are linking the name of Roy Gardner with the theft of a yacht. It is beginning to be believed that Tom, the piper's son, who stole a pig and ran away, an episode immortalized in verse, was nobody but Gardner. A peculiar writer states that Debs is in prison for the practice of Christianity. This is not the ordinary belief. He went to jail because in the time of his country's distress his course was of a sort to give aid and comfort to the enemy. However, there is no venomous condemnation of the prisoner now. He is felt to be misguided and mistaken, but kind of heart and honest of purpose. One of the most desperate burglars captured lately is eighteen years old. If precedents are followed he will be sent to the juvenile court, and then released on parole. Surely students of criminology ought to be able to devise a better way. There is much fuss made about the insidious efforts of the British to "grab our oil." If this country produces oil and has not business acumen enough to keep it from source. In this the territory tributary to the Pacific coast is abundantly blessed. California, and particularly the southern end of it, has water power almost beyond estimate, capable of being developed cheaply. Therefore it is becoming recognized as elsewhere unequaled for manufacturing purposes. It may seem trite, and yet it is a circumstance worth mentioning again, that this region has a climate that must be reckoned as a valuable part of its assets. Tourists come for the charms of the region, and find them. But they observe here great opportunity for investment and they elect to remain. "An outbreak of war in Central Europe at the present moment would be unfortunate" ventures an able and sometimes almost over-cautious editor. He is right. The outbreak he mentions could not even by the most optimistic be regarded as a happy incident. The explanation of the man detected in carrying munitions of war in the direction of Mexico, is that he intended to stage a battle out in the desert. The idea was some movie picture producer sooner or later would require a battle scene. Evidently a poor excuse is better than none, for he was permitted to get away with this one. Los Angeles started out to add 1000 men to its police force. The number was cut to 500, then 250. After this it seemed likely to reach the vanishing point. Some of the councilmen apparently are trying to figure out how to appoint less than none. Now they are linking the name of Roy Gardner with the theft of a yacht. It is beginning to be believed that Tom, the piper's son, who stole a pig and ran away, an episode immortalized in verse, was nobody but Gardner. A peculiar writer states that Debs is in prison for the practice of Christianity. This is not the ordinary belief. He went to jail because in the time of his country's distress his course was of a sort to give aid and comfort to the enemy. However, there is no venomous condemnation of the prisoner now. He is felt to be misguided and mistaken, but kind of heart and honest of purpose. One of the most desperate burglars captured lately is eighteen years old. If precedents are followed he will be sent to the juvenile court, and then released on parole. Surely students of criminology ought to be able to devise a better way. There is much fuss made about the insidious efforts of the British to "grab our oil." If this country produces oil and has not business acumen enough to keep it from source. In this the territory tributary to the Pacific coast is abundantly blessed. California, and particularly the southern end of it, has water power almost beyond estimate, capable of being developed cheaply. Therefore it is becoming recognized as elsewhere unequaled for manufacturing purposes. It may seem trite, and yet it is a circumstance worth mentioning again, that this region has a climate that must be reckoned as a valuable part of its assets. Tourists come for the charms of the region, and find them. But they observe here great opportunity for investment and they elect to remain. "An outbreak of war in Central Europe at the present moment would be unfortunate" ventures an able and sometimes almost over-cautious editor. He is right. The outbreak he mentions could not even by the most optimistic be regarded as a happy incident. The explanation of the man detected in carrying munitions of war in the direction of Mexico, is that he intended to stage a battle out in the desert. The idea was some movie picture producer sooner or later would require a battle scene. Evidently a poor excuse is better than none, for he was permitted to get away with this one. Los Angeles started out to add 1000 men to its police force. The number was cut to 500, then 250. After this it seemed likely to reach the vanishing point. Some of the councilmen apparently are trying to figure out how to appoint less than none. Now they are linking the name of Roy Gardner with the theft of a yacht. It is beginning to be believed that Tom, the piper's son, who stole a pig and ran away, an episode immortalized in verse, was nobody but Gardner. A peculiar writer states that Debs is in prison for the practice of Christianity. This is not the ordinary belief. He went to jail because in the time of his country's distress his course was of a sort to give aid and comfort to the enemy. However, there is no venomous condemnation of the prisoner now. He is felt to be misguided and mistaken, but kind of heart and honest of purpose. One of the most desperate burglars captured lately is eighteen years old. If precedents are followed he will be sent to the juvenile court, and then released on parole. Surely students of criminology ought to be able to devise a better way. There is much fuss made about the insidious efforts of the British to "grab our oil." If this country produces oil and has not business acumen enough to keep it from source. In this the territory tributary to the Pacific coast is abundantly blessed. California, and particularly the southern end of it, has water power almost beyond estimate, capable of being developed cheaply. Therefore it is becoming recognized as elsewhere unequaled for manufacturing purposes. It may seem trite, and yet it is a circumstance worth mentioning again, that this region has a climate that must be reckoned as a valuable part of its assets. Tourists come for the charms of the region, and find them. But they observe here great opportunity for investment and they elect to remain. "An outbreak of war in Central Europe at the present moment would be unfortunate" ventures an able and sometimes almost over-cautious editor. He is right. The outbreak he mentions could not even by the most optimistic be regarded as a happy incident. The explanation of the man detected in carrying munitions of war in the direction of Mexico, is that he intended to stage a battle out in the desert. The idea was some movie picture producer sooner or later would require a battle scene. Evidently a poor excuse is better than none, for he was permitted to get away with this one. Los Angeles started out to add 1000 men to its police force. The number was cut to 500, then 250. After this it seemed likely to reach the vanishing point. Some of the councilmen apparently are trying to figure out how to appoint less than none. Now they are linking the name of Roy Gardner with the theft of a yacht. It is beginning to be believed that Tom, the piper's son, who stole a pig and ran away, an episode immortalized in verse, was nobody but Gardner. A peculiar writer states that Debs is in prison for the practice of Christianity. This is not the ordinary belief. He went to jail because in the time of his country's distress his course was of a sort to give aid and comfort to the enemy. However, there is no venomous condemnation of the prisoner now. He is felt to be misguided and mistaken, but kind of heart and honest of purpose. There is much desperate burglars captured lately is eighteen years old. If precedents are followed he will be sent to the juvenile court, and then released on parole. Surely students of criminology ought to be able to devise a better way. There is much fuss made about the insidious efforts of the British to "grab our oil." If this country produces oil and has not business acumen enough to keep it from source. In this the territory tributary to the Pacific coast is abundantly blessed. California, and particularly the southern end of it, has water power almost beyond estimate, capable of being developed cheaply. Therefore it is becoming recognized as elsewhere unequaled for manufacturing purposes. It may seem trite, and yet it is a circumstance worth mentioning again, that this region has a climate that must be reckoned as a valuable part of its assets. Tourists come for the charms of the region, and find them. But they observe here great opportunity for investment and they elect to remain. "An outbreak of war in Central Europe at the present moment would be unfortunate" ventures an able and sometimes almost over-cautious editor. He is right. The outbreak he mentions could not even by the most optimistic be regarded as a happy incident. The explanation of the man detected in carrying munitions of war in the direction of Mexico, is that he intended to stage a battle out in the desert. The idea was some movie picture producer sooner or later would require a battle scene. Evidently a poor excuse is better than none, for he was permitted to get away with this one. Los Angeles started out to add 1000 men to its police force. The number was cut to 500, then 250. After this it seemed likely to reach the vanishing point. Some of the councilmen apparently are trying to figure out how to appoint less than none. Now they are linking the name of Roy Gardner with the theft of a yacht. It is beginning to be believed that Tom, the piper's son, who stole a pig and ran away, an episode immortalized in verse, was nobody but Gardner. A peculiar writer states that Debs is in prison for the practice of Christianity. This is not the ordinary belief. He went to jail because in the time of his country's distress his course was of a sort to give aid and comfort to the enemy. However, there is no venomous condemnation of the prisoner now. He is felt to be misguided and mistaken, but kind of heart and honest of purpose. There is much desperate burglars captured lately is eighteen years old. If precedents are followed he will be sent to the juvenile court, and then released on parole. Surely students of criminology ought to be able to devise a better way. There is much fuss made about the insidious efforts of the British to "grab our oil." If this country produces oil and has not business acumen enough to keep it from source. In this the territory tributary to the Pacific coast is abundantly blessed. California, and particularly the southern end of it, has water power almost beyond estimate, capable of being developed cheaply. Therefore it is becoming recognized as elsewhere unequaled for manufacturing purposes. It may seem trite, and yet it is a circumstance worth mentioning again, that this region has a climate that must be reckoned as a valuable part of its assets. Tourists come for the charms of the region, and find them. But they observe here great opportunity for investment and they elect to remain. "An outbreak of war in Central Europe at the present moment would be unfortunate" ventures an able and sometimes almost over-cautious editor. He is right. The outbreak he mentions could not even by the most optimistic be regarded as a happy incident. The explanation of the man detected in carrying munitions of war in the direction of Mexico, is that he intended to stage a battle out in the desert. The idea was some movie picture producer sooner or later would require a battle scene. Evidently a poor excuse is better than none, for he was permitted to get away with this one. Los Angeles started out to add 1000 men to its police force. The number was cut to 500, then 250. After this it seemed likely to reach the vanishing point. Some of the councilmen apparently are trying to figure out how to appoint less than none. Now they are linking the name of Roy Gardner with the theft of a yacht. It is beginning to be believed that Tom, the piper's son, who stole a pig and ran away, an episode immortalized in verse, was nobody but Gardner. A peculiar writer states that Debs is in prison for the practice of Christianity. This is not the ordinary belief. He went to jail because in the time of his country's distress his course was of a sort to give aid and comfort to the enemy. However, there is no venomous condemnation of the prisoner now. He is felt to be misguided and mistaken, but kind of heart and honest of purpose. There is much desperate burglars captured lately is eighteen years old. If precedents are followed he will be sent to the juvenile court, and then released on parole. Surely students of criminology ought to be able to devise a better way. There is much fuss made about the insidious efforts of the British to "grab our oil." If this country produces oil and has not business acumen enough to keep it from source. 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If precedents are followed he will be sent to the juvenile court, and then released on parole. Surely students of criminology ought to be able to devise a better way. There is much fuss made about the insidious efforts of the British to "grab our oil." If this country produces oil and has not business acumen enough to keep it from being grabbed, there really is nothing to do except to wish Americans would wake up. It is not surprising that facsimile handwriting is now sent across the sea by radio, but this is because the generation has become quite accustomed to miracles. Only a few years ago such a feat not only would have been deemed impossible, but was of course unthinkable, the instrumentality by which it is accomplished not being in human knowledge, or the limitations of human dream. For Best Soil-Bacteria DO NOT PAY MORE Pennewell's.....$1.00 per acre "Westrobac".....$1.00 per acre Germusoil Equivalent 20¢ per acre Direct from laboratories; Delivered C. LINCOLN BENNETT Distributor for four counties 507 W. 5th St., Phone 1282R SANTA ANA CALIF. PIANO BESS L. BENNETT 114 So. Philadelphia St. Phone 131J Wednesday—Friday—Saturday Interviews By Appointment. Anaheim Sanitary Dairy Phone 268M Fresh Milk Delivered QUARTS 15c; PINTS 8c Morning and evening delivery KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES YEH MY EYES BURN, MY HEAD ACHES, AND I GOTTA PAIN IN MY STOMACH CLARICE! RUN OVER TO DOCTOR SOKEM, YOU LOOK LIKE A SICK MAN TO ME! Snap Shots By Henry James Prospects of medicinal beer have produced a new and entirely healthy set of invalids. The trouble with a gentlemen's agreement is that not everybody professing to be a gentleman comes up to the specifications. There are Mexicans to whom their native land, without at least one revolution in progress, does not seem like home. The keeper of a Tia Juana resort just returned from Europe, says they have grafters over there. "There too," he might have added. Mrs. Obenchain's lawyer is said to have planned a new step for her. Probably the "Liberty Trot." An editor remarks "Americans die too soon." At together too sweeping a statement. Applies only to some of them. After four years as a marine a youth at the harbor tried to shoot himself in a vital spot—and missed. As a rule, marines are better marksmen. Norman Hapgood says that Debs should be released now. Were the situation reversed, there is no doubt Debs would say as much for Hapgood. If anybody is at a loss to know what Norman Hapgood ever accomplished, it may be said that editing the ancient and honorable Harper's Weekly to extinction was no small feat. The Barton Bedtime Stories THE RED COW GOES A-HUNTING By John Barton (Copyright, 1021, by The Associated Newspapers.) No, Nibble Rabbit wasn't one bit s-prised. He wasn't s-prised that Trailer the Hound had changed his mind about saving Tad Coon. Nor he wasn't s-prised that the Red Cow was there in the middle of the Deep Woods. She might be on the wrong side of the fence for a cow, but she was the right side for poor in full cry after them. He tried to lead the way to where he'd heard Tad crying. But the way the Red Cow galloped through the bushes was a caution. It was mostly luck that she didn't hit a tree for she didn't seem to steer out of the way for anything; she just floundered along with her head wagging and her feet swinging. Everybody in all the woods knew that some one was coming. Tad forgot his poor handy-paws were cold and stiff—stiff as a buzzer's wings. For it's mighty chilly business hanging on to a clammy willow stem all night long, way up in a tree without leaves enough to keep the wind off you. He shinned up higher yet. And he saw the Red Cow splash through the Wicked Little Brook. "Wa-hoo!" he yowled, dancing with joy on his dangerous perch. "Mmoo-Oo!" the cow roared back. It was such a terrible sound that Trailer crouched out of the way and let her pass. She was shaking her horns and snorting like a runaway steam engine. Up went her tail, but the hairy white brush on the end of it was no flag of truce! Wowie! Didn't those Fox High-Wayne Change Their Minds About Coon-catching? They Ran. Tad—that much was certain. So Nibble wasn't s-prised at anything. Because when things get as bad as they possibly can be, something just has to happen. And happen it surely did! Tom Minister Sentenced For Mann Act Violation PORTLAND, Ore., Nov. 3.—The Rev. Fred R. Royston, former Methodist minister, was sentenced in federal court here yesterday to serve eighteen months at McNeill's island prison, following his plea of guilty to the charge of violating the Mann act in transporting Miss Franke Edwards, 19, from her home in Salem, Ore., to Centralia, Wash. The girl lived next door to Royston, who has a wife and 11-year-old daughter. BOY LIVES AS GIRL TILL HE'S PAST 21 When one Charles C. Williams of the rather isolated island of Ocracoke, N.C., arrived back, after a three months' leave, at the island recently. There was a lot of excitement among the 500 inhabitants, and the question on every lip is "Is he going to stay a man or a girl"? Which may sound strange in view of the fact that for twenty-one years prior to Williams' departure from his home the good folk of Ocracoke had cherished him in the honest hearts as a pretty, fair haired girl who lived with "her" mother and did most of the housework and sewing. It was not until he suddenly left without warning and the folks began to ask questions that the mother revealed the secret she had guarded throughout the boy's life. It developed that at the time of her baby's birth she was so disappointed that it was not a girl that she determined to call him "Vera" and bring him up as the daughter she had hoped for. No one suspected, and as time advanced it became easy to keep the secret. Williams, being of a rather quiet, retiring nature, made it simpler. Until he was nearing his twenty-first birthday he had never been off the island, but on his first trip with his mother to the mainland dressed as a girl of course, he made up his horns and snorting like a runaway steam engine. Up went her tail, but the hairy white brush on the end of it was no flag of truce! Wowie! Didn't Those Fox High-Waymen Change Their Minds About Coon-catching? They Run. Tad—that much was certain. So Nibble wasn't s-prised at anything. Because when things get as bad as they possibly can be, something just has to happen. And happen it sure-ly did! "Tow-row-row!" bayed Trailler. He wasn't stopping for the words to his song, he was just yelping the chorus as if the foxes already on the run and he not married shode me a $ ten dollar bill less now an he sed George do you think this $ ten doller bill is wun of them fake $ ten doller bills wich is goin a round so I looked at it an I didn't no so then he ast Mrs. Van Dyke an Miss Carry an they didnt no neither so Mister Epstein he sed well I am goin up to the bank an ast Mister Sieman wich is president of the First nashnul bank an see does he no cause aint never seen enuff $ ten doller bills in my hull life to no wun good enuff to call it bill so I always call them William. Myrtle Winters had a party wich was a surprise. Margaret Hampton was thare an Peggy Humeston an Helen Melhorn an Marjorie Rains an my teecher wich is Mattie Lou Robertson an they all went over in her Ford wich is a sedan. They had eats also Peggy Humetson an my teecher they dont eat much cause they dont haff to I gess. Original Star Spangled Banner Inspired Key to Write Anthem One of the large flags of Washington, perhaps the largest, and a flag most closely and affectionately associated with our national history is the original Star Spangled Banner. It is inclosed in a monster glass frame and occupies a long section of the west wall of the Hall of American History in the old National Museum building. Its stripes are about two feet wide, and the stars are as large as a woman's picture hat. In the descriptive matter relating to this flag, its dimensions are not given. The bunting is much worn and roots in horns and snorting like a runaway steam engine. Up went her tail, but the hairy white brush on the end of it was no flag of truce! Wowie! Didn't those fox highwaymen change their minds about coon-catching? They ran. They didn't even peek over their shoulders to see who was chasing them. It might have been a bear, or it might have been a lion. They'd have believed anything you had a mind to tell them—if you could fly fast enough to catch up with them. You never could do it on feet! They ran. And after them came the Red Cow and Trailer the Hound. Oh, twas grand to see them! And you'd better believe there were more folks enjoying the sight than just Tad Coon. George Our Boy Reporter the secret she had guarded throughout the boy's life. It developed that at the time of her baby's birth she was so disappointed that it was not a girl that she determined to call him "Vera" and bring him up as the daughter she had hoped for. No one suspected, and as time advanced it became easy to keep the secret. Williams, being of a rather quiet, retiring nature, made it simpler. Until he was nearing his twenty-first birthday he had never been off the island, but on his first trip with his mother to the mainland dressed as a girl, of course, he made up his mind to see what the world was like. So Vera, the girl, became Charles, the man, overnight, as it were, and stole away to try his luck in Baltimore. He succeeded to the extent of finding a job in a restaurant and for the three months was seeing life. He say enough to send him back to Ocracoke Island with the firm determination to stay even if "it means dresses." Joe Lark has got so he kin travel on th' train without raisin' th' window or buyin' an' orange.—Abe Martin in Farm Life. One of the large flags of Washington, perhaps the largest, and a flag most closely and affectionately associated with our national history is the original Star Spangled Banner. It is inclosed in a monster glass frame and occupies a long section of the west wall of the Hall of American History in the old National Museum building. Its stripes are about two feet wide, and the stars are as large as a woman's picture hat. In the descriptive matter relating to this flag, its dimensions are not given. The bunting is much worn, and rents and holes are visible in numbers of places. It was the Fort McHenry flag of September, 1814, the flag which Francis Scott Key saw and which inspired the words of "The Star Spangled Banner." The large descriptive cards within the flag case tell the story of the flag in this way: "The Star Spangled Banner—Garrison flag of Fort McHenry, Baltimore, during the bombardment of the fort by the British, September 13-14, 1814, when it was gallantly and successfully defended by Colonel George Armstead and the brave men under him. "Francis Scott Key, detained with the British fleet, had eagerly watched for this flag during the fight and as he saw it still waving over the fort on the morning of September 14, he was inspired to write the verses of "The Star Spangled Banner." In the glazed case with the flag is a picture of Colonel Armstead and among other descriptive matter under it is this: "During this defense, Key, from the deck of the Minden, saw through the mists of the deep 'by the dawn's early light' this flag 'O'er the ramparts so gallantly streaming.'" The sun gives 800,000 times more light than the moon. To guide pilots flying on the Paris to London route, the French government is placing captive balloons in certain positions at a height of about a mile. Speculation in industrial films is spreading so rapidly in Berlin that the Stock Exchange there is closed two days a week to enable clerks to cope with the orders. Friday, November 4, 1921. HERALD SUBSCRIPTION RATES One Month by Carrier...$ .65 One Year by Mail...$4.00 One Month by Mall...$4.00 Entered at the Postoffice at Anaheim; California, as second-class matter. Stories Foley's Friendly Fancies A LETTER OF EXPLANATION Budd Tyler told me you was madd at me Because Sue Wise told you she heard I sed Your sister wurked your sums for you and we All had to do our own. I hope I dedd If ever I sed any such a thing And I will meat Miss Susan any place You say and give you back your turkwoise ring If she dast say I sed it to my face. I wish youd ast Miss Susan what she sed The time we went to Henry Holman's dance: She sed you was so stuck up and ill bread Sheed like to slapp you if she had the chance I could of told you shees no frend to you And when Budd told me you was awful madd At what she sed I sed, I sed I knew Shees jellus was the reeason that she had. Budds waiten hear while I am riten this And him and me are goen down to fish In Sucker Lake and Ile send you a kiss And maybe Ile get you some. I just wish That I cood meat Miss Susan on the way! Ile send this note by Crummy Jones. And you Had better ast him for it for he may Foarget hees got it as they sumtimes do. Excelsior Made Recipe No. 5 Bean and Turnip Puffs Slice and boil one medium sized yellow turnip. Press in strainer Excelsior Made Recipe No. 5 Bean and Turnip Puffs Slice and boll one medium sized yellow turnip. Press in strainer to extract water and mash with 1c. lima beans. Add unbeaten yolk 1 egg, 1-2c. double thick white sauce and seasoning. Beat with fork till light and smooth. Drop by spoonfuls into small cones on greased baking tin and bake in quick oven till delicate-browned. Serve with tomato sauce. Insure the success of this recipe by using Excelsior Milk EXCELSIOR CREAMERY CO. 232 E. Sycamore Phone 177 The Walnut Cafe and Confectionery “ANAHEIM’S NEWEST CAFE” Open For Business With Everything To Eat and Drink. WE NEVER CLOSE Laine & Hardacre 135 W. Center St. OPTOMETRIST WE NEVER CLOSE Laine & Hardacre 135 W. Center St. OPTOMETRIST Glasses Fitted Ten years a member of the North Dakota state board of examiners in optometry. Advanced optical knowledge together with twenty-three years' experience makes our name stand for SERVICE. Using the Vertex Lenses for testing together with the most scientific instruments on the market. Dr. WALTER R. BLAKELY — OPTOMETRIST — Office Over S. Q. R. Store Hours, Except Sunday 8 to 12; 1 to 5:30 Special Appointment By Request —By POP MOMAND HE KNEW EXACTLY CLARICE- ALL I HAD WAS TEN DOLLARS, AN'T'S WHAT HE ASKED ME FOR!!!